Archive for November 2010

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was always fair and honest in his dealings with other people   Leave a comment


The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was always fair and honest in his dealings with other people

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was always fair and honest in his dealings with other people even before his prophethood. When he attained the age of maturity he became a trader and went on expeditions to the Middle East countries. He traded with other people’s money with great prudence and made large profits. The people of Makkah were very much impressed by his trading skill and fair dealing. Gradually he became well-known and the people trusted him. It was his honesty and fair dealing in business that impressed Khadijah, who first entrusted her enterprise to him and later married him. All the people who had done business dealings with him before his prophethood had always praised his honesty and fair dealing in trade. He was not only fair in business dealings with other people but also encouraged his companions to be so. An-Nauman bin Bashir reported God’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying, “What is lawful is clear and what is unlawful is clear, but between them are certain doubtful things which many people do not recognise. He who guards against doubtful things keeps his religion and his honour blameless, but he who falls into doubtful things falls into what is unlawful, just as a shepherd who pastures his animals round a national reserve will soon pasture them in it. Every king has a reserve and God’s reserve is the things He has declared unlawful.” (Bukhari and Muslim). And Abdullah ibn Masud reported God’s Messenger as saying, “Trying to earn a lawful livelihood is an obligatory duty in addition to the duties which are obligatory.” Rafi ibn Khadij said that God’s Messenger (PBUH) was asked what type of earning was best and he replied, “A man’s work with his hands and every business transaction which is approved.” (Ahmad). Jabir (RA) reported God’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying, “God shows mercy to a man who is kindly when he sells, when he buys and when he makes a claim.” (Bukhari).

Abu Saeed (RA) reported God’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying, “The truthful and trustworthy merchant is associated with the Prophets, the upright and the martyrs.” (Tirmizi, Darimi and Ibn Majah). Hudhaifa (RA) reported God’s Messenger (SAWS) as saying, “Before your time there was a man who, when the angel came to take his soul, was asked whether he had done anything good and he replied that he did not know. He was told to consider, and then he said that the only thing he knew was that he used to have business dealings with people in the world and would demand his rights from them, giving the rich time to pay and letting the poor off. So God brought him into Paradise.” (Bukhari and Muslim).

Muhammad (PBUH) clearly warned those who did not do fair dealings. Abdullah ibn Masud (RA) reported God’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying, “No man who acquires unlawful property and gives some of it in charity will have it accepted from him; neither will he receive a blessing for it; and if he leaves some of it behind him it will be his provision for hell.” (Ahmad). And Abu Bakr(RA) reported God’s Messenger (PBUH) as saying, “Nobody who has been nourished with what is unlawful will enter Paradise.” Many incidents can be quoted from the life of Muhammad (PBUH) to show how just and fair he was in his business dealings with other people. There was a famous trader, named Saib, in Arabia, who embraced Islam and came to see Muhammad. The Muslims introduced him with some commendatory words to the Holy Prophet (PBUH). The Prophet (PBUH) said, “I know him better than you.” Saib said, “My parents be sacrificed, he was my partner and always kept business dealings fair and clean.’) Once Muhammad borrowed some dates from a man who came back a few days later and demanded payment of his debt. Muhammad asked one of the Ansar to pay off his debt. The Ansari paid back his dates but they were not of the same quality as had been given by him to the Holy Prophet (PBUH). He refused to accept them. The Ansari told him that he was refusing to accept the dates given by the Holy Prophet (SAWS). He replied, “Yes, if the Messenger (SAWS) of God will not do justice, from whom shall we expect it?” When the Holy Prophet (PBUH) heard this, tears came into his eyes and he said, “It is quite true.”

Once Muhammad (PBUH) borrowed some money from a Beduin. He came back and spoke very harshly to the Holy Prophet (PBUH). The companions rebuked him for his arrogance and said, “Do you know who you are talking to?” He replied that he was demanding his due. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said to his companions, “You ought to support him for he hathe right to speak.” Then he asked his companions to pay off his debt and give some more. In a battle, Jabir ibn Abdullah Ansari (RA) was accompanying the Holy Prophet. His camel was slow, and after the journey, having been completely worn out, it became very slow. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) bought his camel and then gave it back to him along with the money and said “Both are yours.” Once he borrowed a camel from someone and returned a better one. Then he said, “The best people are those who pay off their debts joyfully.”

Once a Beduin was selling the meat of a camel. Muhammad (PBUH) thought that there were some dry dates at home, so he bought some meat for one Wasq of dates. When he came home he found there were no dates. He came out of the house and told the Beduin that he had bought meat in exchange for dates but he had no dates. The Beduin began to shout that he had been tricked. The people advised him that the Messenger of God would not do unfair dealing with anyone. The Holy Prophet said, “Leave him, he has the right to protest.” This continued for some time and each time the Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “He has the right to protest.” Then the Holy Prophet (PBUH) sent him to an Ansari (RA) woman and asked him to get his dates for the meat from her. When he returned with the dates, the Holy Prophet (PBUH) was sitting with his companions. He was very much impressed by the gentleness, forgiveness and fair dealings of the Holy Prophet (PBUH). Seeing the Holy Prophet (PBUH) he said, “Muhammad! May God give you a better reward; you have paid the full price with goodness.”

Once a small caravan was staying outside Medinah. They had a red camel. By chance, Muhammad (PBUH) passed that way and asked the price of the camel. The people told him the price, which he accepted without argument. Muhammad (PBUH) caught the bridle of the camel and walked towards the city. Afterwards the people regretted that they had given the camel without any acquaintance. There was a woman in the caravan who said, “Be comforted. We have not seen a man with a brighter face than his.” In other words, such a man would not deceive. When night fell, Muhammad (PBUH) sent food for them and dates for the price of the camel. Muhammad (PBUH) needed some armaments in the battle of Hunain. He asked Safwan, an unbeliever, to lend him some chain armour. He replied, “Muhammad! You intend to usurp something?” The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said, “No, I am taking it on loan. If some is lost, I will pay the proper compensation.” He gave forty sets of chain armour on loan. After the battle. some of the chain armour was found to be missing. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) told Safwan that some of his armour was lost, and he could accept compensation for them. Safwan (RA) replied, “O Messenger of God! The condition of my heart is not as it was before. In other words, I have embraced Islam; now I don’t need compensation.”

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in CHARACTER/TAZKIYYAH

The Importance of Adab   Leave a comment


Knowledge without Adab is like fire without wood, and Adab without knowledge is like a spirit without a body

What is Adab?

 is not fully translatable from Arabic to English. It encompasses all the good things a Muslim must do Adab linguistically means to invite people for food. The Arabic word Ma’duba  is a word derived from the word Adab, and means to invite all or many people for all types of food, or a gathering around a table. Adab hence includes all that is good; every noble characteristic, habit, or trait that is included within the scope of

Adab is natural, it isn’t really taught, or learnt, but it is naturally developed. Children acquire from their parents, students from their teachers, the young from the elders. We may have much knowledge but lack adab and we may have much adab but lack knowledge; but it is adab that holds the greater value and importance. In today’s society, where parents, teachers, and elders are no longer given their correct honours, respect or rights; basic manners have made a swift exit, whilst we compete for glory, knowledge, or worldly gain

The Importance of Adab

Ibn Al-Mubarak said, “Mukhlid Ibn al-Husayn once said to me,‘ We are more in need of acquiring adab than learning Hadith’. This highlights that knowledge alone is insufficient to build a sound and balanced Islamic personality. Imam Zakariya al-Anbari once said:

Knowledge without Adab is like fire without wood, and Adab without knowledge is like a spirit without a body’.

So, vast amounts of knowledge and severe lack in adab means a person is little more than a donkey laden with books. What use are the books to that donkey without being able to read? Similarly, what use is knowledge to a Muslim, without the practical mannerisms and etiquettes that really define us as Muslims?

Traditionally, adab was not taught but acquired and embodied between interactions between people. It has been narrated that Imam Ahmed (رحمة الله عليه) would have had up to 5000 attendees at his gatherings, maybe 500 would write and learn; the rest (4500) would simply learn from his actions, his adab This has such importance that we learn by what we see, whether that is good or bad, hence it is essential and somewhat detrimental that we teach only that which is good, as the bad habits are perhaps the easier to acquire.

Looking at other classical examples from our pious Ulema; the mother of Imam Malik (رحمة الله عليه) would place an imama on his head and send him to his teacher Rabi’ah ibn Abdurrahman (nicknamed: Rabi’ah Ar-Rai’), to learn first from his manners, his <span>adab</span> and then his knowledge. Indeed the deen of Islam is itself manners, where anyone that surpasses you in manners, is better than you in deen (Ibn al-Qayyim). Abu Huraira (رضى الله عنه) narrated, that the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said:

I have not been sent as a Messenger, except to perfect character (Akhlaaq)”He also said that:“The nearest of you to me on the Day of Judgement will be the one who is best in character.”(Bukhari)

All the books of Hadith have chapters on Adab.

For example:

Muwatta’, Imam Malik: The book of good behaviour

Sahih al-Bukhari: The book of manners

Sahih Muslim: The book of dutifulness, ties of kinship and manners.

Sunan Abi Dawud: The book of manners

 Sunan at Tirmidhi: The book of manners,

and the book of dutifulness and ties of kinship.

Sunan Ibn Majah: Chapters on Manners.

The book Al Adab Al Mufrad was separated by Imam Bukhari (رحمة الله عليه) because he was aware of its great importance in everyday living. When we talk about Adab we must first begin with our Adab with Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) in terms of akhlaaq, sincerity, actions, avoiding shirk etc. We must qualify our respect for Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) and His attributes, His signs, His Symbols (the Quran, the Masãjid and everything connected to Him). Then we must purify and qualify our <span>Adab</span> with the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم). In quantifying, Allah (سبحانه وتعالى) tells us in the Quran that in His (صلى الله عليه وسلم) manners and style, the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) was a perfect example:

 

 وَإِنَّكَ لَعَلى خُلُقٍ عَظِيمٍ“

Truly, you have the best of manners”(Quran Al Qalam: verse 4)

 

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in CHARACTER/TAZKIYYAH

Pride Barrier to paradise   Leave a comment


From ‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood radi-Allaahu ‘anhu who related that Allaah’s Messenger sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam said:

“Whoever has an atoms worth of kibr (pride) in his heart will not enter Paradise.” So a man said: What about a person who loves (i.e. takes pride in) wearing beautiful clothes and beautiful shoes? So he replied: “Indeed Allaah is beautiful and loves beauty. Kibr (pride) is to reject the truth, and to despise the people.”

So Allaah – the Most High – informs us that the Hellfire is the abode of those who have kibr (pride and arrogance). And we learn from the (above) hadeeth that: “Whoever has on atoms worth of kibr (pride) in his heart will not enter Paradise.” So this is a proof that kibr (pride) necessitates entry into the Hellfire and prevents entry into Paradise. And this comprehensive explanation that the Prophet sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam mentioned has clarified the meaning of kibr (pride) in the dearest possible manner. So he divided kibr into two types:-

<span>[1] Pride against the truth:</span> This is to reject the truth and not to accept it. So anyone who reject the truth is proud and arrogant – in accordance with what he reject of the truth. So it is obligatory upon everyone to humble themselves to the truth which Allaah sent His Messenger with, and which He sent down in His Book. As for those whose pride and arrogance prevents them from totally complying with the Messengers (i.e. having eemaan or faith in them and their message) – then they are kuffaar (unbelievers) who will dwell in the Hellfire for eternity. Since when the truth comes to them via the Messengers, who explain to them the signs and clear proofs, they reject it and are prevented from accepting it, due to the kibr that they harbour in their hearts. Allaah the Most High – said:

“Indeed those who argue about the Signs of Allaah without any authority having come to them, there is nothing in their hearts except kibr (pride). They will never accept the Prophet Muhammad sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam as a Prophet.” [Soorah Ghaafir (40):56]

As for those whose arrogance and pride prevent them from complying with parts of the truth – because it opposes their personal opinions or their whims and desires – then such people are not kuffaar (unbelievers), but such an action necessitates them being punished in accordance with what they have of kibr. This is why the Scholars are agreed that whenever the Sunnah (guidance and way) of Allaah’s Messenger sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam has been explained to anyone, then it is not lawful for him to turn away from it to the saying of someone else, whoever and whatever status he may have. So it is obligatory upon the seeker of knowledge to give complete and absolute precedence to the saying of Allaah and the saying of His Messenger sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam over and above the saying of anyone else, and that he should make that the basis to which he returns, and the foundation upon which he builds; following the guidance of the Prophet sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam, striving hard to understand what is intended from it, and following this, both inwardly and outwardly. When a person conforms to this great principle, then he has indeed reached goodness and excellence, and all his errors will be forgiven to him; since his overall objective is to follow that which has been prescribed upon him. So his errors are excused due to his striving his best to recognise and comply with the truth – and this is humbling oneself to the truth.

<span>[2] Pride towards people:</span> This type is to despise the people, and to look down upon them. This attitude arises when a person is amazed with his own self, thinks highly of himself, and thinks he is better than others. So this causes him to have kibr towards the creation, despise them, mock them, and to degrade them through both speech and action. Allaah’s Messenger sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam said:

“It is enough evil for a person to despise his brother Muslim.” 2

This is why the man asked: “What about a person who loves (i.e. takes pride in) wearing beautiful clothes and shoes?” Because he feared that this was the kibr which would be under the threat of punishment. So the Prophet sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam explained to him that this was not from kibr; since this person was one who complied with the truth, and was humble towards people, and that this was from the beauty that Allaah loves, for indeed Allaah – the Most High is beautiful in His Dhaat (Self), Sifaat (Attributes) and Af’aal (Actions), and He loves both outer and inner beauty.

As regards outer beauty, then it includes cleanliness of the body, clothes and place. As regards to inner beauty, then it is beautifying the character. This is why the Prophet sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam used to supplicate:

“O Allaah! Guide me to having beautiful manners and characteristics, no one can guide me to beautifying them except You. And turn away from me all evil actions and characteristics, no one can turn them away from me except You.”3

And Allaah knows best. 

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in CHARACTER/TAZKIYYAH

Men who do not have (Gheera) protective jealousy over their wives, sisters & daughters are Dayyooths & prohbited from jannah   1 comment


Men who do not have (Gheera) protective jealousy over their wives, sisters & daughters are Dayyooths & prohbited from jannah

Sisters, when your flouncing about feeling so free and happy and ‘liberated’ because your husbands allow you to leave the house or mix with non mehram men or put your pictures up on facebook looking dolled up with a glossy pout and seductive eyes and an improper hijab which you try to convince your self is ‘fine’ because its loose or that merely covering your hair with a scarf is sufficient then ask your self this……
 
Does your husband not have protective jealousy over you? Does he not mind showing you or letting you talk to his friends and non mehram relatives? Does he not mind you leaving your house without covering properly or having a face full of makeup? Does he not mind that thousands of other men can see your photos on social networking sites such as facebook and the like? If not then there is a huge problem with his imaan as the obligation of hijab isnt just on your head, its on your husbands head too because if he doesnt have protective jealous of you he is a Dayyooth and prohibited from junnah.
 

One who lacks ghayrah; one who does not care if (non mahram) men approach his wife, mother, sister or daughter. A dayyooth is prohibited from entering Paradise (Recorded by Ahmad)
 
“Three people will not enter paradise, and Allaah will not look to them on the Day of Judgement: the one who is disobedient to his parents, the woman who imitates men and the ad-Dayooth.” (Ahmad)
 
Ibn al-Qayyim, rahimahullaah, said, “And the dayyooth (the man with no jealousy over the woman and his family) is the most vile of Allah’s creation, and Junnah is forbidden for him, (because of his lack of Gharyah-jealousy).A man should be “jealous” with regard to his wife’s honor and standing. He should defend her whenever she is slandered or spoken ill of behind her back. Actually, this is a right of every Muslim in general but a right of the spouse specifically. He should also be jealous in not allowing other men to look at his wife or speak with her in a manner which is not appropriate.
 
Some men deliberatly allow and encourage their wives to dress up knowing full well other men will look at her. Perhaps because they’re proud of their wife’s beauty which in itself isnt a bad thing because it shows hes pleased with her because shes beautiful but that doesnt mean to say he should show her off because that is prohibited in Islam. Rather he should encourage her and also his female relatives such as his mum, sister, or daughter to cover up and dress in a way that is pleasing to Allaah and not for the rest of society.
 
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.” [Sûrah an-Nisâ’: 34]
 
Any men who might be reading this here are some things you can do for your wife so she will feel protected and maintained.
 
-You do all the shopping rather then letting your wife do it. If you work, get the shopping in the mornings or on your way back from work or on your days off. If your not confident enough then go with your wife for the first few times so she can show you which shops she gets what from and you can take it from there.
 
-When some one knocks on the door, you get it so she doesnt have to rush around trying to find her hijab and jilbab or have to talk to a man unnecessarily and dont leave the door wide open so that your wife is in full view. Answer the phone incase its a man, be authoritive.
 
-Dont let her go out on her own when it gets dark because it’s not modest for a woman to be out at night. If theres any errands she must run during that time then go with her and if you cant make sure she has a mehram with her so shes not on her own.
 
-Be her chauffeur even if you dont drive. If she needs to go any where even during the daylight hours drop her off and pick her up.
 
-Dont let her travel without a mehram, not only because it isnt allowed but also because she will feel like you care about her and want her to be safe.
 
-When your out walking it is a sunnah for the man to walk on the outside and the woman to walk on the inside of the road. That way she is less visible to people driving past in their cars and if any men walk towards you, you can make sure he walks on the outside nearer the road so he doesnt brush past your wife.
 
-Remind her that you think she is beautiful because she covers her beauty and that you would be jealous if any man looked at her or tried to speak to her. Remind her that you want to protect her from wandering eyes and thoughts and that you want her to always remain safe and that you want to take care of her because she is yours and no one elses.
 
I know there are some sisters who wouldnt want to be treated this way because they might feel slightly oppressed or stuck in the dark ages but I believe thats their own backward mentallity or lack of undertanding of Islam. They want to be an independant woman but just because you are cared for and protected doesnt mean you cant be independant.

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in Gheera

WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU?   Leave a comment


WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU?

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

Islam is a simple way of life, and we as Muslims are following Islam (practising people) than why are we so complicated? why do we like to complicate matters?  Why do you think there are so many good single brothers and sisters?  These are questions on many Muslims minds whether they like to admit it or not. There are many answers. Aside from the obvious.

While it is very vital that one should carefully consider the characteristics or qualities to be sought in a marriage partner, some go to great lengths to make long “shopping type lists”, consisting of all the qualities they expect or desire in a partner, such as their background, level of education, a certain appearance/look, speaker of the Arabic language, high level of Islamic knowledge, someone who has gained knowledge abroad in a “Islamic country” and perhaps a great  job.

It also seems that many people desire someone who is the total opposite of what they are, for example when they are not very religious, average looking, not educated, do not speak Arabic, do not have an outstanding  job, their own home or a good income,…Yet they seek someone with all those qualities! I have met a few people who fall into this category as am sure you have.

What is strikingly interesting is that many people do not stop to identify their own qualities, or ask themselves whether someone with a similar high expectation would wish to marry them. This may sound crazy… but have you ever stopped to ask yourself, if you would marry yourself? as you are now and not as you desire to be! Are people in denial?.

There are also people that are in a desperate rush to get married; while at the same time they possess characteristics of selfishness, stubbornness, inflexibility, insensitivity, and ingratitude and they are poor communicators. On top of all of that, they are in denial and won’t face up to the fact that they have “issuses” of their own to solve before getting married. Marriage is such a serious affair that if anyone was to marry someone possessing any of the above he/she would be in major trouble!

I am not implying that if you lack good qualities that you should not marry. Allah exhalted has said in the Quran that “he will never change the condition of a people until they first change what is inside of them”. There is therefore hope as offered in many ayas/verses of the Quran.. However this hope is only on the condition that we establish and recognise that we have a problem and then strive to do something about it. Someone who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their negative pattern of behaviour. After establishing your problems, the next step is to begin working on it diligently and consistently.

Couple this prescription that Allah gives us in the Quran with prayer and strong faith, InshaAllah, you can overcome any problem

I`m sure you have all heard of stories of selfish, abusive, drunks becoming good husbands or wife’s. Anything is possible with the will of Allah (swt) however a person who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their negative ways.

In short: take a hard, honest look at yourself and if you decide that you can not be a good husband or wife as you presently are then before you make a long list of the qualities you seek in a wife or husband, start by listing what you need to work on. Next step is to work on these issues you have so that inshallah one day Allah (Swt) May bless you to be a worthy person someone who can be proud to call you their wife or husband

Another vital point to consider and ponder over is that as Muslims we should take guidance from the Quran and Sunnah.

In Islam there is a strong emphasis on simplicity. Yet, Muslims are getting more and more complicated, leading complex lives with conflicting and complicated lifestyles and hence making the matter of seeking marriage a complicated one. Remember that societies of very rich, middle-class and the poverty-stricken — all have existed in every era. Allah (Swt) has distributed sustenance to people according to His infinite wisdom by giving some more than others. This distribution is a test for every individual.

While simplicity has been encouraged in all aspects, it has been particularly emphasised in Nikah. The prophet (saw) has advised us to select the most pious partner, and has said: “Verily that Nikah will have the greatest barakah wherein the least expenses were incurred”. Abandoning simplicity in Nikah is a sure way of depriving oneself of the barakah (blessings), which every marriage requires so desperately. The Sahaaba (R.A.) were discussing some worldly aspects. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) addressed them and said: “Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan. Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan. Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan” (Abu Dawood).

In relation to the issue of simplicity is that some brothers and sisters do not seek marriage for fear of poverty, e.g he doesnt have work, we dont have some where to live. I have however seen many Muslims (with imaan) who have married with hardly anything to their name and mashallah Allah swt has blessed them with sooo much. The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Allah will assuredly come to the aid of three: a man seeking to marry so that he may preserve his chastity, a person seeking to pay off a debt, and a soldier gone out to battle in the cause of Allah.”[Tirmidthi].

The other issue is that of delaying marriages, talking for months on end. The prophet (saw) has further advised that if a brother and sister develop feelings for each other, than there is no solution to the matter except marriage. He (saw) has said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah: The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

However if that marriage comes as a result of an illicit love relationship, it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Further more, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.

Lets not follow the ways of the disbelievers, and misguided and follow the way of Islam that has so beautifully been laid out for us with many examples from the prophets, companions and tabieens.

“Indeed the people of Truth & sunnah do not follow anyone (unconditionally) except the prophet (saw) the one who did not speak from his desires-it is only revelation revealed to him that he spoke of” Ibn Taymiyyah.

Whatever bad experience you have had in the past take a lesson from it but do not dwell on it, for that is not going to bring you any benefit. Have tawakul trust in Allah (Swt) and dont let shaytan corrupt your mind with doubts. “Indeed there is no authority from shaytan, over those who believe and rely upon their lord (have tawakul)” “And relay upon Allah (have tawakkul:if you are believers. Al-Quran 5:23 AL-Quran 16:99

Don’t place a time frame on how long to get to know a person, there are some people who have not known each other long but have been married for a long time, and those who have known each other very long but have not stayed married for long.

Find out as much as you can about the person, get references, do istikhara (without any preconceived ideas) and than place your trust in Allah (swt) whatever the outcome.

And if it does not lead to marriage, don’t be disheartened. Allah (swt) has said in the Quran “It may be that you hate something when it is good for you and it may be that you love something when it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know” (Surat al-Baqara, 216).

Remember also that none of us are perfect and whatever we lack in one aspect of our character we make up for in another inshallah. “A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other or anothe­ trait of hers.” [Muslim]. The hypocrite looks for faults; the believer looks for excuses.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in Marriage

Wisdoms of Islamic Polygamy- Ibn al-Qayyim   Leave a comment


Wisdoms of Islamic Polygamy- Ibn al-Qayyim

Wisdoms of Islamic Polygamy 

Ibn al-Qayyim ‘I’lam al-Muwaqqi’in 2/64-66

the wisdom in limiting the number of wives specifically to four:

 ”…so, this is from the completeness of His blessing Shari’ah, and is in accordance with wisdom, mercy, and benefit. This is because one of the purposes of marriage is sexual intercourse and the fulfillment of one’s desire. From the people are those who are overtaken by their desire, and is not satisfied with one. So, He allowed him a second, third, and fourth one (i.e. three additional wives)…and the Legislator has attached numerous rulings to this number (three), as He has allowed the migrant to remain in Makkah for three days after completing his rituals, and allowed the traveller to wipe over his footwear for three days, and made the preferred length of hosting a guest to be three days…”

the wisdom in allowing multiple spouses for the man, in exclusion to the woman:

 ”…this is from the completeness of the Wisdom of the Exalted Lord, and His goodness and mercy towards His servants, and His taking their interests into account, and He is Exalted above doing anything other than this, and His Shari’ah is far from coming with other than this. If it was allowed for the woman to have two or more husbands, the world would be ruined, and progeny would be lost, and the husbands would end up killing each other, and a crisis would ensue, and the fitnah would become severe, and war would erupt. And how can the affair of the woman remain firm when she has bickering partners? And how can the affair of these partners themselves remain firm? So, the coming of the Shari’ah with it came with of opposition to this is from the greatest of proofs of the wisdom, mercy, and consideration of the Legisator.

So, if it is said: how can the interests of the man be taken into account, with his being able to marry whom he wants, fulfill his desire, and move from one woman to the next in accordance with his desires and needs – all while the needs of the woman are just like his needs, and the desires of the woman are just like his desires?

We answer: since it is the nature of the woman to be concealed behind the walls and hidden in the depths of her home, and her moods are cooler than that of the man, and her outer and inner movements are less than his movements, and the man has been given strength and intensity that leads his desire more so than with the woman, and he has been tested with what she has not been tested with, he is granted the choice of having multiple spouses that is not available to the woman. This is from what Allah has set aside exclusively for the male, and has preferred for them over women, just as He has preferred for them Messengership, Prophethood, Khilafah, kingship and leadership, governance, Jihad, etc. over women. Also, He has made men to be guardians over women, traversing about for the purpose of looking after their best interests, constantly on the lookout for means of sustaining them, encountering dangers, and exposing themselves to all types of hardships in the path of doing what is best for their wives. So, the Exalted Lord is Thankful and Forbearing, and He thanks them for this, and has compensated them by instilling for them what He did not instill for their wives.

And if you compare the fatigue, hardship, and efforts of the man in fulfilling the interests of the women with what the women have to endure of jealousy, you would find that the man’s share of having to endure this fatigue, hardship, and effort is much greater than what the women have to endure of jealousy…”

“As for the one who says that the desire of the woman is even more than that of the man, this is not the case. The driving force behind the desire is fervor (lit. heat). So, where is the fervor of the woman in comparison to the fervor of the male? The woman – because of her free time, slowness, and absence of what will keep her busy from the fulfillment of her desire – might be overtaken by her desire, and will not find that which would oppose it. Rather, it finds a heart and soul free from distraction. So, it is able to instill itself within her to the utmost, resulting in one assuming that her desire is multiple times that of the man, and this is not the case.

And from that which proves this is that if a man has intercourse with his wife, he can have intercourse with other women in the same time frame, and the Prophet used to go around to all of his wives in a single night, and Sulayman went to 90 women in a single night, and it is known that with each woman, he displays desire and fervor that drives him to have intercourse. The woman, on the other hand, if the man fulfills his desire with her, she becomes exhausted, and does not seek to fulfill her desire with any additional man within that time frame.

So, the wisdom of of the Decree, Legislation, Creation, and Command is implemented, and praise is for Allah.”

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in Polygamy

There is No Contradiction in the Verses Regarding Polygyny   Leave a comment


There is No Contradiction in the Verses Regarding Polygyny.
Question:

Concerning Polygyny it is stated in the Qur’aan ”If you fear that you will not be able to deal justly [with more than one wife ], then [marry] one only .” an-Nisa :3 However, in another place it states, ”You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire .” an-Nisa : 129 In the first verse being just among the wives is stated while in the second verse it makes it clear that the condition of justice could never be met. Does this mean that the first verse is abrogated and that it is not allowed to marry more than one women since the condition of justice cannot be fulfilled? Benefit us, may Allah reward you.

Answer:

There is no contradiction between the two verses. There is no abrogation by one verse of the other. The justice that is mentioned in the first verse is the justice within ones ability, which is related to being fair in division of time and maintenance.As for being just with respect to love and sexual relations, this is not within ones ability. This is what is being referred to in this verse;

”You will never be able to do perfect justice between your wives even if it is your ardent desire .” an-Nisa : 129

In a hadeeth about the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam), Aisha [ may Allah be Pleased with her] stated,

”The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu ‘alaihi-wasallam) used to divide his time between his wives and he was fair. He used to say. ‘ O Allah, that is my division with respect to what I have control over. Do not blame me for what You control and over which I have no control.’ ‘’

This was recorded by Abu Dawud, al- Tirmidhi, al- Nasai, Ibn Majah. It is graded Sahih by ibn Hibban and al- Haakim.

Shaykh `Abdul-`Azeez Bin Baz
Islamic Fatawa Regarding Women – Darussalam Pg. 179

Posted November 14, 2010 by thesunnahway in Polygamy