Archive for January 2011

How To Deal With The Differing Of Scholars   Leave a comment


Question:  I am a student of knowledge in the first year of the Faculty of Sharee’ah. There come to us many issues in which there is differing [of opinion]. It is possible that the preferred position (‘raajih’) in some of these matters opposes some of the statements of the scholars of today. Or we take on issues and there is nothing that is predominant from them. So we become confused in our affair. So what should we do about the ruling of an affair in which there is a difference of opinion regarding, or when we are asked by the general people? May Allaah reward you with good.

Answer: This question which the questioner mentions does not only happen to a student of the Sharee’ah, rather it is general to everyone. When he sees differing of the scholars regarding a fatwa he gets perplexed, but the reality is that there is no confusion in that because a person, when the fatawa differ, he follows what he sees to be closest to the truth, in accordance to the expansiveness of his knowledge and the strength of his faith. Just as a person, when he is sick and two doctors differ with respect to his illness, then he takes the speech of the one that he sees as being more preferable when the cure is described to him. And if the two matters are equal to him, meaning that he does not prefer the opinion of one of the two differing scholars over the other, then some of the scholars state that he follows the saying: “[Take] the more severe position because it is the safest.” Some of the scholars state that he follows the easier position because that is the origin in the Islamic Sharee’ah, and it is said that he chooses between the two.

However, the correct position is that he follows the ‘easier’ position because this conforms with the ease in the Islamic Religion due to the statement of Allaah, the Blessed and the Most High:

يُرِيدُ اللّهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلاَ يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ

“Allaah intends for you ease, and He does not want to make things difficult for you.”

Al-Baqarah (2):185

وَمَا جَعَلَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِي الدِّينِ مِنْ حَرَجٍ

“…and He has not laid upon you in religion any hardship”

Al-Hajj (22):78

And his (salallaahu ‘alaihi wassallam) statement:

“And make things easy and do not make things difficult.”

[Al-Bukhaaree in ‘Al-Ilm’ (69)]

And also because the origin is acquittance or discharge from responsibility in an affair until he establishes that which removes this origin. This principle is for the one who is not able to arrive at the truth by himself. And if he is able to do that, such as the student of knowledge who is able to read what is said in this affair, so gives preference to what he sees to be the preferred position due to the Sharee’ah proofs with him, then it is binding upon him to research and read to attain knowledge of that which is more correct from these statements regarding which the ‘ulemah differ.

Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-`Uthaymeen

Kitaabud-Da’wah (5)/ Page 45-47. Shaykh Muhammad Ibn Saaleh al-‘Uthaymeen.

Translated by Abu Khadeejah ‘Abdul-Waahid

Advertisements

Posted January 28, 2011 by thesunnahway in Fatwas, Inspirational

REMAINING FIRM UPON SALAFIYYAH   Leave a comment


 
Question:
 
 What are some things that will keep a person firm upon Salafiyyah and distant from the paths of misguidance?
 
Answer:
 
There are a number of affairs that will help someone in this. From them:
 
[1] Staying close to the people of knowledge, those who are known for:
 
[a] their capabilities;
 
[b] being foremost in virtues;
 
[c] being well versed in knowledge;
 
[d] their strength in (knowledge of) the Sunnah;
 
[e] their adherence to it;
 
[f] their harshness against the people of desires.
 
It is suitable that they are the ones to take (knowledge) from, the knowledge that is paired with wisdom.
 
[2] Staying distant from the people of innovation and desires, keeping away from their gatherings, and not subjecting oneself to their debating and argumentation.
 
[3] Reading the books authored by the Salaf, reading them with the scholars if that is possible. If that is not possible, then asking about the phrases or subjects which are difficult to understand within these Salafee books, asking the people of knowledge about them, so they can clarify any misunderstandings one encounters.
 
Shaykh ‘Ubayd al-Jaabiree, well-known scholar and retired professor from the Islaamic University of al-Madeenah
 
This was translated exclusively for www.bakkah.net from a published recording entitled Liqaa’ Maftooh, dated 1424/6/9

Posted January 28, 2011 by thesunnahway in CHARACTER/TAZKIYYAH

The Character of The Bearers (and People) of the Quran   Leave a comment


From ‘The Character of The Bearers (and People) of the Qur’an’ Chapter 4 by Imam al-Ajooriyy al-Baghdadi (rahimahullah)

The first matter that it befits him to employ is Taqwa of Allah secretly and openly, by exercising caution (wara’) with regards to the sources of his food, drink, dress and earnings. He is perceptive about his time and the corruptions of its people that he may beware of them regarding his religion. He concentrates on his own situation, having the aspiration to reform whatever is corrupt in his affairs, guarding his tongue and choosing his words.

If he speaks, he speaks with knowledge when he sees speech to be correct. He fears from his tongue things more severe than he fears from his enemy. He imprisons his tongue the way he imprisons his enemy, so that he may be safe from its evil and bad consequences. He rarely laughs at the matters which people laugh, due to the bad consequences of laughter. If he is pleased by something in accordance with the truth, he smiles. He dislikes joking, fearing frivolity: if he jokes, he speaks the truth. He is accommodating in countenance and pure in speech. He does not allow himself to be praised for qualities he has, how then for qualities he does not have? He is wary of his self, that it should overcome him for what it desires, of the things that will anger his Master. He does not backbite anyone. He does not look down upon anyone. He does not abuse anyone. He is not happy at the affliction of others. He neither transgresses upon anyone, nor envies them. He does not think the worst about anyone, except for one who deserves it. He loves with knowledge, and hates with knowledge. He speaks about a person’s faults only with knowledge, and remains silent about a person’s real nature with knowledge.

He has made the Qur’an, Sunnah and Fiqh his guide to every good and beautiful quality, guarding all his limbs from what has been forbidden. If he walks, he walks with knowledge. If he sits, he sits with knowledge. He strives hard so that people may be safe from his tongue and hand. He does not behave ignorantly: if someone behaves ignorantly towards him, he is forbearing. He does not oppress: if he is oppressed, he forgives. He does not transgress: if he is transgressed upon, he has patience. He restrains his fury to please his Lord and enrage his enemy. He is humble in himself: when the truth is presented to him, he accepts it, whether from one younger or older.

He seeks status from Allah, not from the creatures. He despises arrogance, fearing for his self from it. He does not (earn to) eat by the Qur’an, nor does he like his needs being fulfilled by way of it. He neither runs with it to the sons of kings, nor sits with it amongst the rich so that they may honour him.

If the people earn plenty from the world without understanding or perception, he earns a little with understanding and knowledge. If the people wear fine luxury, he wears of the halal with that which conceals his private parts. If his circumstances ease, he eases; if they tighten, he tightens. He is content with little, so it suffices him. He bewares for his self from the world that which will make it tyrannical. He follows the obligations of the Qur’an and the Sunnah: he eats food with knowledge; he drinks with knowledge; he dresses with knowledge; he sleeps with knowledge; he has union with his wife with knowledge; he accompanies his brothers with knowledge; visiting them with knowledge, seeking permission to enter upon them with knowledge, and greeting them with knowledge; he treats his neighbour with knowledge.

He imposes strictly upon himself the honouring of his parents: he lowers his wing to them, and lowers his voice before their voices. He expends his wealth for them, and looks upon them with the eye of respect and mercy. He prays for their longevity, and is thankful for them in old age. He is not irritated by them, and does not look down upon them. If they ask for his help in a matter of obedience, he helps them. If they ask for his help in a matter of disobedience, he does not help them, but is gentle with them in his disobedience of them: he shows beautiful etiquette such that they may return from the ugly matter that they intended, that it does not befit them to do. He maintains family relations and despises breaking them. If someone breaks off relations with him, he does not break off relations with them. If someone disobeys Allah regarding him, he obeys Allah regarding him.

He accompanies the believers with knowledge, and sits with them with knowledge. He benefits those who accompany him, being an excellent companion for those whom he sits with. If he teaches another, he is gentle with him. He is not harsh with the one who makes a mistake, and does not embarrass him. He is gentle in all his matters, extremely patient in teaching goodness. The leaner finds comfort in him, and the one sitting with him is joyous at his company. Sitting with him brings goodness. He educates his companions with the etiquettes of the Qur’an and the Sunnah.

If he is afflicted with a difficulty, the Qur’an and the Sunnah are two educators for him. He grieves with knowledge. He cries with knowledge. He has patience with knowledge. He purifies himself with knowledge. He prays with knowledge. He gives zakat with knowledge. He gives charity with knowledge. He fasts with knowledge. He performs the hajj with knowledge. He wages jihad with knowledge. He earns with knowledge, and he spends with knowledge. He eases in matters with knowledge, and tightens in them with knowledge. The Qur’an and the Sunnah have taught him his manners. He looks through the pages of the Qur’an in order to teach himself manners, and he is not pleased for himself to fulfil with ignorance the obligations imposed by Allah. He has made knowledge and understanding his guide to every goodness.

When he studies the Qur’an, it is with the presence of understanding and intelligence: his aspiration is to understand that which Allah has imposed upon him of following His commands and avoiding His prohibitions. His aspiration is not: when will I complete the soorah? His aspiration is: when will I be enriched by Allah, so that I am in no need of other than Him? When will I be of the pious? When will I be of those who excel? When will I be of those who have total tawakkul? When will be of those who humble themselves? When will I be of the patient ones? When will I be of the truthful ones? When will I be of the fearful ones? When will I be of the hopeful ones?

When will I have non-attachment to the world? When will I have yearning for the Hereafter? When will I repent from sins? When will I recognize the widespread favours? When will I be grateful for them? When will I understand from Allah His address? When will I understand what I recite? When will I overcome my self regarding its base desires? When will I strive in Allah’s cause with a true jihad? When will I guard my tongue? When will I lower my gaze? When will I guard my chastity? When will I be ashamed before Allah with true shame? When will I be preoccupied with my faults? When will I reform the corruptions in my life? When will I call my self to account?

When will I take provision for the Day of Resurrection? When will I be pleased with Allah? When will I have trust in Allah? When will I be admonished by the warnings of the Qur’an? When will I be preoccupied with His remembrance away from remembrance of other than Him? When will I love what He loves? When will I hate what He hates? When will I be sincere to Allah? When will I purify my deeds for Him? When will I reduce my vain hopes? When will I prepare myself for the day of my death, when my remaining term shall have vanished? When will I build the life of my grave? When will I reflect upon the Standing and its severity? When will I reflect upon my solitude with my Lord? When will I reflect upon the Return?

When will I beware that which my Lord has warned me of: a Fire whose heat is severe, its depth great and its grief lengthy. Its inhabitants do not die that they may rest; their sins are not forgiven; their tears are not shown mercy. Their food is zaqqoom, and their drink is boiling water. Every time their skins are roasted, they are replaced with new ones so that they may taste the punishment. They regret when regret does not benefit them, and they bite upon their hands in sorrow at their falling short in obeying Allah and their embarking upon the disobedience of Allah. Thus, one of them says,

“Alas! If only I had sent something forward for my life!” (89:24)

Another says, “My Lord, return me! It may be that I work righteousness in what I have neglected!” (23:99-100)

Another says, “O woe to us! What is the matter with this Book? It does not leave a minor or major matter, except that it counts it!” (18:49)

Another says, “O woe to me! If only I had not taken so-and-so as a close friend!” (25:28)

Another group of them says, with their faces turning in different kinds of punishment, “Alas! If only we had obeyed Allah, and obeyed the Messenger!” (33:66)

So this is the Fire, O assembly of Muslims! O Bearers of the Qur’an! Allah has warned the believers of it in more than one place in His Book, out of mercy from Him towards the believers. Allah, Mighty and Majestic, said. “O you who have believed! Save yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones. Upon it are angels, stern and severe: they disobey not Allah in what He commands them, and they do as they are ordered.” (66:6)

He, Mighty and Majestic, also said, “O you who have believed! Fear Allah, and let each soul see what it has sent forth for tomorrow; and fear Allah: truly, Allah is Aware of what you do.” (59:18)

He then warned the believers against being heedless of what Allah has obligated upon them and what He has entrusted to them not to lose, and to guard His limits that He has entrusted to them, and not to be like the others who rebelled against His command and so He punished them with different types of punishment. Thus He, Mighty and Majestic, said, “And do not be like those who forgot Allah, so He caused them to forget themselves: they are truly rebellious ones.” (59:19)

He then informed the believers that the people of the Fire and the people of the Garden are not equal, saying, “Not equal are the people of the Fire and the people of the Garden: the people of the Garden, they are the truly successful ones.” (59:20)

Thus, when the intelligent believer recites the Qur’an, he presents himself to it, so it becomes like a mirror in which he sees which of his actions are beautiful and which are ugly. Thus, whatever his Master warns him against, he is wary of it; whatever He instils fear regarding its consequences, he fears; whatever his Master encourages him in, he desires it and hopes for it.

Thus, whoever fits this description, or close to this description, he has recited it as it should truly be recited, and has attended to it as it should truly be taken care of. The Qur’an becomes for him a witness, intercessor, comfort and support. Whoever has these qualities benefits himself and benefits his family, and returns with every goodness upon his parents and his children in this world and the Hereafter.

Posted January 15, 2011 by thesunnahway in CHARACTER/TAZKIYYAH

Raising Children In An Islamic Way   Leave a comment


EVERY child is born on Fitrah (man’s innate disposition to Monotheism), his parents make him Jewish, Christian or a fire worshiper.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim ) Allah Almighty has entrusted parents with their children. Parents bear the responsibility to raise up their children in the Islamic way. If they do that they will be blessed in this life and in the Hereafter, and if they don’t, they will get bad result during their life and in the Hereafter.

 

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said : “All of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for things under your guardianship; the ruler is a guardian (managing his state‚s affairs) and he is responsible for things under his care, the man is a guardian over his family and responsible for them, the woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for things under your control.” (Al-Bukhari & Muslim)

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him), did not excuse anyone from responsibility that Allah has put on every individual to build the Islamic society: the ruler is responsible: the man and woman are responsible…. all within their capabilities, domains, and authorities… and the loss of Islam from our Muslim Ummah these days is nothing but a result of the neglect of responsibility.

 

Men and women, fathers and mothers share the responsibility to raise up, educate, and build the new generation in the correct method and the right way.

 

Man has in him the good and bad tendencies, so parents must encourage and grow the good tendencies in the child so he can become a useful person that helps himself and his people. Referring to this, Allah Almighty says: “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones . . .”  (At-Tahrim, 66:6)

 

The protection of yourself and your family from Hell-Fire won’t be with anything but good education, the observance of good morals, and the guidance to nobility.

 

Islam does not distinguish between male and female with regard to the education requirements. The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: “Whoever has a daughter, tutors her on good morals, educates her well and feeds her properly; she will be a protection for him from Hell-Fire.”

 

What do we mean by good education? The good education means the physical, mental and moral preparation of the child so he can become a good individual in the good society.

 

 

Methods for moral upbringing

 

1- Showing the values of good deeds and their effects on the individuals and society; also showing the effects of bad deeds, all within the child’s capability of understanding.

 

2- Parents should be a good example in their behavior because children like to imitate their parents in their sayings and their deeds.

 

3- Teaching the child the religious principles and tutoring him in matters of worship, taking into account the child’s capability of understanding. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Order your children to pray at the age of seven.”

 

4- Treating children nicely and kindly. The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us that practically. When he was leading the prayer, his grandson Al-Hasan, son of his daughter Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, rode on his back while he was bowing. The Prophet (peace be upon him), lengthened his bow. When he finished his prayer, some attending Companions said, “You lengthened your bow?” Then the Prophet (peace be upon him), answered, “My grandson rode on my back and I hate putting him down quickly.”

 

5- One of the important things that parents must teach their children is to choose the good company and to avoid the bad one, because children are always influenced by the company they keep. The bad behavior can be easily transmitted through bad company. So the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned us by saying, “Man is inclined to get influenced by his friend’s manners, so one must be careful in choosing friends.” (Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi)

 

6- Encouraging the child’s sense of belonging to the Muslim Ummah, by teaching him about the brotherhood among Muslims, teaching him to care for Muslims in any land, and that he is part of the Muslim body, to feel joy when Muslims are joyous, to feel sad over Muslims’ sadness, and to do best to achieve the Muslim Ummah’s goals.

 

All of this can be done practically through:

 

A- Taking children to Mosques and introducing them to their brothers in Islam regardless of race, language, or origin.

 

B- Teaching the children the life history of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and his Companions and the history of Islam, bearing in mind the child’s capability of understanding.

 

C- Encouraging children to sympathize with Muslim problems and to contribute to the solutions such as the poverty problem and to donate some money to the hungry Muslim children.

 

D- Taking part in the celebrations and festivals with Muslims, and joining in picnics and developing ties with their Muslim brothers of the same age.

 

7- Teaching children the love of Allah, His Prophet (peace be upon him), Muslims, and all people. This love will lead to special behavior towards all those loved people.

 

These are general guidelines to raise our children Islamically, so every Muslim must take care of his children and know the correct path that must be followed. This will help us do the job we are entrusted to do as Allah prescribed, as well as the responsibility the Prophet (peace be upon him), has clarified, with aim of protecting the future generations of Muslims.

Posted January 15, 2011 by thesunnahway in Marriage

Motives and Causes of Love   Leave a comment


Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) in which he explains the motives and causes of love, and how these vary among people.

He (may Allaah have mercy on him) says:

“Compatibility between souls is one of the strongest causes of love”.

Every person is attracted towards that which is compatible with him, and this compatibility is of two types: original compatibility which is ingrained in the essence and that which comes later because of living together or having something in common.

If your aims match his aims, there will be harmony between your soul and his, but if the aims are different, then harmony will no longer exist.

As for original compatibility, it is a kind of similarity in attitude and similarity of souls. Each soul longs for other souls that are similar to it, because what is similar to something is naturally attracted to it, so the two souls may be similar in original creation, thus there will be a natural attraction to one another.

This is what made some people say that love is not only caused by physical beauty, and the lack of physical beauty does not mean that there can be no love; rather it is similarity between souls and similarity in their characteristics which are created in them that matter.

The reality of love is that it is like a mirror in which the lover sees his characteristics and kindness in the image of the one he loves, so in reality he loves nothing but himself and his characteristics and the one who has similar characteristics.

Hence noble, pure and sublime souls love the characteristics of perfection in particular, so the dearest things to them are knowledge, bravery, dignity, generosity, kindness, patience and steadfastness, because these characteristics are compatible with the essence of these souls, unlike base and mean souls, which are far away from loving these characteristics. Many people are motivated to be generous and kind because of their extreme love for these characteristics and the pleasure they find in doing these things, to such an extent that al-Ma’moon said: Forgiveness was made so dear to me that I am afraid that I will not be rewarded for it. And it was said to Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him): Did you acquire this knowledge for the sake of Allaah? He said: To do something for the sake of Allaah is very rare, but it was something made dear to me, so I did it. Someone else said: I rejoice in giving and enjoy it far more than the one who takes from me rejoices in what he takes.

With regard to the lovers of knowledge, their love for knowledge is greater than the love of anyone else or anything else. Many of them will not be distracted from it by the most beautiful of human images.

Our Shaykh – meaning Ibn Taymiyah – told me: “I felt sick and the doctor said to me: Your reading and discussing issues of knowledge is making your sickness worse. I said to him: I cannot stay away from that, and I shall discuss the issue on the basis of your (medical) knowledge. Is it not the case that when the soul feels joy, this gives strength to the body and wards off disease? He said yes. I said: Then my soul feels happy with knowledge and thus my body becomes stronger and this helps me to recover. He said: This is not part of our treatment, or words to that effect .”

If the love relationship is based on similarity and harmony, then it will be reinforced and become stronger, and nothing could remove it except something stronger than the cause of it, and if it is not based on similarity and harmony, then it is no more than love for a reason, which will disappear when the reason disappears.

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated in his Musnad the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her): A woman used to go to Quraysh and make them laugh. She came to Madeenah and stayed with a woman who also made people laugh. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: With whom is So and so staying? She said: With So and so, who makes people laugh. He said: “Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with.” The original version of this hadeeth is in al-Saheeh.

If you look at creation, you will hardly find any two people who love one another except that there is some similarity between them or they have something in common with regard to deeds, characteristics or goals. If the goals, characteristics, deeds or ways differ, there can only be aversion and distance between their hearts. It is sufficient to note the saheeh hadeeth from the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him): “The believers, in their mutual mercy, love and compassion, are like a (single) body; if one part of it feels pain, the rest of the body will join it in staying awake and suffering fever.”

Rawdat al-Muhibbeen, 66-74

Posted January 13, 2011 by thesunnahway in Love

Audio links   Leave a comment


coming soon in’sha’allah

Posted January 12, 2011 by thesunnahway in Audio

A loving husband   Leave a comment


Qualities of a loving husband

Saying of Salaf – Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah

Sufyân ibn ‘Uyaynah (rahimahullâh) said, “The most nimble of creatures still have need of a voice. The cleverest women still need to have a husband, and the cleverest man still needs to consult wise men.”

Looking for a potential husband – maybe you’re looking to improve the one to whom you’re married? Perhaps you’re a husband looking to improve yourself? Regardless of your reason, wouldn’t the following qualities be a good place to start?

1) Practicing the deen – This is the most important part for a healthy happy marriage in this life and hereafter. A pious husband who lives according to Quran & Sunnah.

A Pious Poor Pious Man is a Better Marriage Suitor than a Rich Man Who is Not Pious Hadith – Bukhari 7.28, Narrated Sahl

A man passed by Allah’s Apostle and Allah’s Apostle asked (his companions) “What do you say about this (man)?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, an Allah’s Apostle asked (them) “What do you say about this man?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle (saaws) said, “This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.” Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.

Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, ‘When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.’ [Tirmidhi, Nasa’i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]

2) Good Listener – This might be the biggest challenge for husbands. You see, by nature, men are usually productive oriented and women are usually more relational. Men often make the mistake of trying to solve their wife’s “problems”. She doesn’t want you to solve anything – she wants you to listen (really listen) and show her that you truly are interested in what she says. She wants you to feel what she feels and live what she lives. When you learn to truly listen to your wife and keep your mouth shut – your marriage will blossom

3) Faithfulness / Loyalty – Show her you’re in it for the long haul (notice I said show her). How can you show someone you’re faithful and loyal? Do you follow through with your commitments – however small they might be? Are you honest with your wife? Do you keep her up to date on your activities? Do you include her in your world? She’s interested – show her it’s not just about you – it’s about her as well and you’ll reap the benefits of her security.

4) Sensitivity – You can forget what you learned in high school – most women aren’t looking for a husband who never cries. A sensitive husband perceives the needs of his wife and looks to meet them. Sensitivity toward your wife will open doors of communication and intimacy you never thought possible. Try it, get that chip off your shoulder and show her some sensitivity

4) Handy – Guys, are you handy – what is handy? Handy is when you take action to solve a problem, handy is when you change a light bulb without complaint, handy is when you take out the garbage (your idea, not hers). Wives like for their husbands to be handy – it’s not hard, be part of the solution – not the problem.

6) Provision Oriented – Please don’t get excited – this isn’t about the husband making all the money. It’s an attitude to help your wife fill in gaps. She can’t do everything – so help her! Is she busy with the kids – give up 10 minutes of the ballgame and clean dishes, fold laundry, or whatever. You don’t even need to be all that big of a help – you just need to show you’re trying.

7) Adaptability – Guys, marriage is an ever changing world and you’ve got to adapt favorably to those changes or you’ll find yourself wondering what you’re doing and how you got there. If you look closely at your wife – filtering out years of environmentally induced behavioral changes – you’ll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago. Let me explain further – Love and feelings toward a wife should’t change. However, relationship do change as a necessity to those changes around. Time constraints, needs of children, financial obligations, etc. each require a level of effort that takes time away from relationship. You’re success as a husband will largely be dependent on your attitude toward the adaptations required by life. Lastly, don’t let the tail wag the dog – don’t let your feelings toward life’s changes affect feelings toward your wife – leave this to your heart. Tail wag the dog – don’t let your feelings toward life’s changes affect feelings toward your wife – leave this to your heart.

8.) Humility – Nobody likes an arrogant man – there’s no place for it in marriage. Show humility – when you’re wrong – admits it and do so with humility. She’ll probably be shocked and her reaction might be unpredictable – but inside she’ll glow with admiration.

Posted January 12, 2011 by thesunnahway in Marriage