Archive for the ‘Polygamy’ Category

Polygamy in Harmony in Malaysia   2 comments


Polygamy is one aspect of Islam which the kufaar use to discredit Islam and also there is a lot of ignorance associated with this matter where the Muslims are concerned for this reason I have decided to complie a few articles regarding this subject from the scholars of Islam and advice from Muslim women in polygamous marriages.

Polygyny: The condition or practice of having more than one wife at one time.

This is a much needed admonition to the muslimaat upon the sunnah, and may Allaah grant both men and women the akhlaaq (manners) to deal with such situations.  shaykh al-albaani rahimahullaah says:
“Of course, I believe that that is not allowed for (the woman) (to come between her husband and polygyny) because of two reasons: The first (reason) is that she is hindering (her husband) from the path of Allaah, and other (reason) is that she is opposing the command of her husband. Because you know…that the obedience of a woman to her husband is obligatory the way the matter is with regard to the obedience of an individual from the individual members of a nation toward the Muslim ruler, with an obedience which I don’t say is blind but rather a complete obedience, except what is made an exception in the islamic legislation, which is (obeying someone) in disobedience to Allaah. And from this results islamically legislated rulings which (state) that if the Muslim ruler commands that which is fundamentally allowed, this command becomes obligatory for the one who is commanded with it to carry it out, because it is the command of the ruler. Exactly likewise is the command with respect to the husband with his wife.
So if the husband commands his wife with some command while that command is allowed in the foundation of the islamic legislation and while the woman is able to carry it out, then it is obligatory upon her to obey him. And if she does not obey him, then she has disobeyed Allaah and His Messenger [sallAllaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam]. So, concerning that which the woman undertakes of using hindrances that come between her husband and that which he wants to attain from what Allaah, the Mighty and Majestic, has allowed, let alone if the allowed (matter) is that which is desirable (and) permissible, then no doubt she will be disobedient twice over. The first time is that which preceded when I mentioned that indeed she is cutting off the path (of Allaah); and the other matter is that she is opposing her husband in a command that she has no right to oppose while she is able (to obey his command) and while he is not commanding or not wanting to do (an act of) disobedience to Allaah.”

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Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy, Uncategorized

Polygamy No-nos – advice for sisters in polygamous marriages   Leave a comment


 

Polygamy, like other marriages, has its share of trials but there are ways that you can make it easier on yourself and everyone involved.

Tip #1. Try not to compare yourself to your co-wife. Remember that every person has their strengths and their weaknesses. This is a trick from Shaytan to make you doubt your worth. Try to defeat your insecurities and BE SECURE IN YOURSELF. Good men love secure women.

#2. Do not criticize your husband and co-wife to ANYONE…..Especially to each other. It’s enough to mention that it’s backbiting and therefore haram.

#3. Ask your husband not to discuss their marriage to you and do not inquire into their marriage.

#4. If for some reason your husband mentions a “possible divorce” from her…..Do not get your hopes up even if they do divorce. There is a lot of time to make up. Don’t forget the 3 months iddah and two times they are able to get back together.

#5. . Do not divulge any intimate details about your husband or about yourself. This is haram and very unwise.

#6. Try as much as possible not to let your children see you bitter about their relationship because they may start to have negative feelings towards polygamy in general and their father or his wife in particular. If your co-wife has children with your husband, make sure that your kids have access to each other.

#7. If all of your Islamic rights are met then NEVER ask for a divorce. He may just give it to you and you might not have meant it….so why even go there? A lot of us threaten without any intention of leaving and this is haram.

#8. Never ask your hubby questions you may not like the answers to. Examples: Do you love her more than me? Do you think she’s prettier? Do you ever think of her when you’re with me?

#9. Do not listen in on phone conversations he is having with her. Ask him politely if he can take it in the other room and if he doesn’t then you remove yourself from that position and go somewhere else.

#10. Do not forget to ask Allah to make the tests easy on you, to take away any destructive jealousy from you heart, and to bless your marriage and anything else you’d like to add. Try your best to be patient and accept the Qadr of Allah.

Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy

Poem on Polygamy   Leave a comment


Polygamy, hmm tell me my sister, what is the big deal

Your husband, my husband can have up to four wives if Allaah may will.

Explain to him why are you stressing as though all the responsibilities are on you.

Fast Ramadan, guard your salah, obey your husband and do what you do.

We as women are not like the men. We take our husbands to be our best and closest friend

But Allah did not create the men like the women.

Take two, three or four so don’t blame him sister if he want more.

Why make haram for him what Allah has made halal.

You deny him of this, then have the courage to stand before him looking all wild.

Polygamy is something that is easier said than done. On the brother’s part and on the sister’s part.

But don’t worry about who he loves more in his heart.

This matter is with Allaah, so strive to please your Lord.

Your destination is the Jannah, this dunya is just room and board.

Sister please don’t worry yourself with “what are they doing”. You continue to do what you do.

Have your stuff planned out, laid out and be beautified for the time that he spends with you.

Yes I understand polygamy can be very hard on the first wife.

And for some of us it cuts worst than the sharpest knife.

But what about your new co-wife? Who don’t know your husband like you do.

So, it has to be scary for her too.

Sure, go ahead explain to her how he like his meat cooked.

And she will share with you her favorite cookbook.

Remember you are striving for the Jannah, not only for the love of this man,

If he is your ultimate goal, then my sister you have the wrong game plan.

This deen is good advice and this is mine to you.

Don’t worry about what they are doing,

just handle yours when it’s time for him to be with you. 

 

Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy

Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look at kufaar relationships   Leave a comment


 
 I heard a commentary the other day which hit home like little else has in a long time. A news commentator had just finished interviewing some local youngsters on the impact that the Clinton/Lewinsky affair had upon them. Most of the young people said the same. “It is personal.” “Let him be.” “No one is perfect.” and so forth… The commentator, when summing up his report said, “The President is supposed to represent the morals and values of the society that he represents.” He paused and then said, “Maybe that is the problem.” That pretty much summed it up. Clinton represents the morals and values of America. He is the poster-child for the greedy, over-indulgent American who is concerned with nothing more than self gratification.
 So why do so many Muslims idealize this society? Why are so many of us so enamoured with the values of these people that we either appologize for or even deny basic tenents of our belief?  One such tenent is polygyny. Polygyny is the practice of marrying more than one wife. Unfortunately, often the term polygamy – the practice of marrying more than one spouse is used to describe the practice in Islam. This is incorrect. Islam allows more than one wife, up to four.  I have found that Muslims have fallen prey to the Western ideal of one woman for one man, which is laughable when you look to the reality of their relationships. The majority of men admit to committing adultery and a growing number of women do the same. The system in the West has been described by some as serial monogomy because of the insane divorce rate, but is in reality little more than a charade for an open unchecked worship of human desire.
Unfortunately, I have heard Muslim women say, I would rather that my husband commit adultery than that he bring a second wife. What a low state we have reached that such a comment could ever come from a Muslim. May Allah (SWT) Guide us, Ameen!  I have even heard Muslims actually ask, “Why is it allowed for men but not for women to have more than one spouse at a time?” Our level of faith in the Wisdom of Allah has fallen to such an all-time low, that we no longer think that it is wrong or even disliked to question the judgement of Allah.  Too many of us follow the West into the lizard hole, and we don’t even bother to take a light with us to see if it is safe. We no longer care. We assume that they know what they are doing and we jump in with no fear. I wish such Muslims would have the same amount of faith in Allah (SWT) that they have in the West. We have to start dealing with Islamic issues with the eyes and ears and minds of Muslims, not with the tongues of the Kafirs, Insha-Allah. Look to this society. Any sane, rational human being can see the destruction they have brought upon themselves with their modern concepts of love, justice, equality and human rights. The only true definitions of these concepts are those revealed by Allah (SWT) and taught and practiced by His beloved Messenger.
 America has shown itself to be devoid of values, time and time again, but too many Muslims blindly ignore the results of these actions and continue to follow them, footstep by footstep. Allah (SWT) has made it so easy for us. He has given us all that we need to deal with any issue that may present itself. He has paved an even, straight path for us, so why do so many of us consistantly veer to roads that are clearly wraught with danger and isapointment? Allah (SWT) has blessed us with guidance. He has blessed us with knowledge. He has blessed us with Islam.
So, which of the blessings of our Lord will we ignore? Allah (SWT) says, “… Marry of the women that please you; two, three or four, but if you fear you will not be able to deal justly, then only one…”(An-Nisa 4:3) I have looked to this statement many times. Some people point out to me the part that speaks of dealing justly, and they match it with, “And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.” (An-Nisa 4:129).  Here, they say, it is impossible for a person to be fair, therefore it is not allowed to marry more than one. This does not match what is written. The verse says to not desert them. How can this be a command to not marry more than one? Also, I find this theory hard to accept since I know that the prophet, the companions, the second generation, the third generation and so forth were all practicers of polygyny. If it were wrong, or even makru – as some state – then we would not find the majority among our best generations practicing it.  Then, we have others who claim that Polygyny is only in cases where war has taken the majority of the men, or in special circumstances – like when the woman can not bear children or when the woman is sick.  However, once again, I do not find this the case when I look to the history of Islam. It was not less practiced by the wise knowledgable ones in Islamic history in times of peace, nor was it ever restricted to certain conditions. Actually, we don’t begin to see any problems with polygyny as a practice until the West began to exert influence over the Muslims. Even as recently as the first World War, we see the bedouin Arabs proud of the fact that they have this practice as a part of their religion. What few problems we have are seen in the apologists who were trying to please the West by softening the image of Islam. These people even apologized for the practice of divorce which Islam allowed for centuries, while Christianity forbid it. Now, I wish I could see the faces of these same apologists if they could see the divorce rate of the West. Would they stop apologizing for it now that the West has not only accepted the practice, but embraced it wholeheartedly?  At any rate, when I look to this verse, I clearly see the if – then statement. As a computer lover, this immediately strikes me. If – then. This is a simple logic problem. Do A. If A is not possible, then do B — giving precedence to A and using B as an exception to the rule. Therefore, when we apply it, we see that the man is commanded to marry two or three or four, but IF he can not be just, then he marries only one. The one, therefore becomes the exception to the rule.  Now, if this is true, then why is it that today, not only is polygyny not the rule, it is the exception, and those who practice it are often criticized? Can it be that we have so many men who consider themselves unjust? I doubt it. I believe it lies in the attitudes of our women, may Allah guide us. We have been brainwashed by the Western ideal of one man-one wife. We need to listen to our scholars, Insha-Allah. So many of them have warned us to look to ourselves because this issue may be the one which makes us Kafir. May Allah (SWT) prevent this from happening. Ameen!  Whenever I discuss this subject with women, the first thing I normally hear, a statement which makes me cringe, is, “But it’s not fair…” Allah (SWT) forgive the one who makes such a statement, for it is an utterance of shirk. Ameen! The One who made polygyny not only halal but also recommended was Allah (SWT), Himself. Therefore, whatever He, in his Great Fairness and Wisdom, has allowed and encouraged is fair by definition.  And to say it is unfair is to say that He (SWT) is unfair. May Allah (SWT) guard our tongues from such blasphemy. Ameen! Muslim women have to take their minds out of the gutters of the West, and bring them up to the wisdom and purity of Islam’s high ground. Polygyny is not an insult to women; it is a sign of respect. How many women would remain husbandless if it were haram?  Sisters, I beg you. Look to your sisters in the Muslim countries. The number of single women has climbed so high that special laws are being created to try to fix the situation (While I know that many of these laws are misguided and based on fear of cultural intermixing, the fact the problem has reached epidemic proportions is undeniable even to them). In some countries, your sisters are having to resort to such misguided practices as temporary marriage, because polygyny is so looked down upon. May Allah (SWT) forgive us for making this so.  Even, when a sister does choose to go into polygyny, her fellow sisters look to her as a traitor, and often treat her worse than an adultress. They akin it to stealing someone’s husband. Many of our sisters are ostracized and even humiliated, or worse cursed for practicing an act that our Loving Lord recommended to us. May Allah (SWT) guide us. Ameen! Wallahi, it pains me to see the treatment given to second, third and fourth wives. Sisters, we are so caught up in this idea that we possess our men, that even the second or third wife feels she has a right to prevent the inclusion of another into the relationship that benefitted her. Where are our minds? Where is our faith in Allah’s (SWT)Wisdom? Where is our submission to the Will of Allah (SWT)? Where is our love for each other? Where is the wanting for our sisters what we want for ourselves, namely family, love and happiness? Astagh Ferrullah!!!  We were not placed on this earth to do anything but worship Allah (SWT), and we have to this as He commanded, not as our desires and jealousies guide us. We are allowed to be jealous. Aisha (RA) our Mother was the MOST jealous of any woman, but she did not allow her jealousy to destroy her deen, Alhamdulillah. I challenge anyone to show me an example where one of the wives of Muhammad (SAW), or one of the female companions, or even one of the second or third generation ever condemned a woman for becoming a second, third or fourth wife. It was accepted as a part of their deen.
Sure, women tried to keep their husbands from taking the second, third or fourth wife. Sure they were jealous of each other, but in the end they submitted to their Creator, Allah (SWT).  Sure, they even tried (until the Prophet (SAW) forbid it) to ask for the divorce of the other. But once they knew their limits, they submitted to the Will of Allah (SWT). So why is it so hard for us? Why can we not follow these great examples instead of the examples of the Western woman who has no respect for herself, much less her peers?
Sisters, I am not asking you to go and ask your husbands to take another wife, but I am asking you to accept this as a natural, acceptable, even preferable practice of Islam, Insha-Allah. If you are stronger in your faith, I see only blessings in asking your husband to help out a sister in need by marrying her, Insha-Allah. Imagine yourself a single mother, an unmarried woman past her prime, or a widow, alone without support, Subhana-Allah! Sisters, these are your sisters, and Allah (SWT) forbid, it could be you one day. Have mercy on these women. Perhaps if they marry your husband or your friend’s husband, do not condemn them, curse them, expel them, boycott them or harass them. They have done the best, Masha-Allah. They have married rather than commit haram, Masha-Allah. They have followed the command of Allah (SWT) by completing half their religion (marriage). The one who objects to it, even silently in her heart, has to re-examine her faith in Allah (SWT). She has to accept this as Allah’s (SWT) religion and as the superior way, because and — only because — Allah (SWT) said that it is so.  May Allah (SWT) guide us all to accept His decree. May Allah (SWT) make us all strong in following, practicing and accepting this great deen in its entirety, and may Allah (SWT) give us the strength faith and support to fight our desires. Ameen!!!  Taken from Muslimah Inspirations.    
 A POEM ABOUT POLYGAMY

Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy

Why husband have High Status that He does?   Leave a comment




“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.”
 This verse, as you can see, clearly gives the responsibility of leading and governing the family to the man. Additionally, the verse never failed to clarify the reason for this; rather, it explained why.
 Allah said, “because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.”1
 1[TN}: Al-Qurtubi said in his tafseer [5/161] “Some of the people of knowledge have understood from the saying of Allah, the Most High, “because they spend (to support them) from their means.” That whenever the husband is incapable of supporting his wife then he is not considered to be maintaining her. If he is not maintaining her, then she can seek that the marriage contract be annulled because one of the intents behind the legislation of marriage has been lost.”
 page # 49-50 2. That both of them performed and fulfill the rights and obligations that Allah has made compulsory upon them as it pertains to the other partner. The wife should not demand to receive exactly the same rights that belong to the husband, and the husband should not use the authority or leadership that Allah has graced him with as an opportunity to oppress her and beat her unjustly.
 page # 51 3. It is essential that the woman obey her husband as much as she can when he commands her. As this is a station that Allah has granted to the men as mentioned in the two previous verses: “Man are the protectors and maintainer of women” [An-Nisaa: 34] and “But men have a degree of responsibility over them” [Al-Baqarah: 228]
Reference:
Taken from the Book: The Structure of the Muslim Family by the shaykh al’Allaamah Muhammad Amaan ibn Ali al-Jaami died: 1416H

Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy

The Ruling on Women who refuse to become a Second Wife   Leave a comment


Ash-Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, may Allaah preserve him, was asked this question:
Is it permissible for a woman to remain unmarried if a man who already has a wife and children seeks her hand in marriage due to the excuse that she wants an individual who is a virgin?
A: It is not permissible for a woman to remain unmarried, this is haraam upon her except if she has a legislated excuse because this (act ,not getting married causes the following):
1: It makes her lose out from (one of the biggest) opportunities of life (marriage).
2:Prevents her from having offspring.
3:This (reason) is the worse of (the reasons) which is this (act) exposes her to Fitnah and exposes her to fall into Faahishah, Fornication, because a woman is in need of a man no matter who she may be and no matter how she guards herself (from zinaa).So she is in need of a man due to what Allaah has given her of shawah (sexual desires), so this act exposes her to fitnah.  So if it is easy for her to get married to who she likes of a man who does not have (another) wife then it is okay. As for it is not easy then her getting married to a man who has a wife is a thousand times better then her remaining single where she is prevented from being married while it is not known that perhaps there is good in this (man) as a husband even though he has three wives, she can be the fourth. So the fact that she lives with women under the protection of a man who can keep her chaste, and causes her to give birth from him, while him being there for her assistance is better then her remaining single…
Reference: Ahkaam takhusul Marah, page:41-42, print: Ishbeeliyaa.

Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy

Advice to salafiah sister from One Whose Husband Took on Another Wife   Leave a comment


 الحمد لله وكفى ، والصلاة والسلام على النبي المصطفىوبعد
فهذه نصيحة أخوية من القلب لمن تزوج عليها زوجها ،أصارح بها الأخوات السلفيات الأثريات لعلها تتسلل إلىالعقول ، وتجد لها مكاناً في القلوب، وتخفف عن النفس ذلكالحزن والضيق ، بإذن الله عز وجل
 First: Remember, O Wife, that this Life is Home of Tests, Trials, and Actions. So when you are tested with an infliction, or a disaster or tragedy befalls you, then be patient and content, and do not object the Wisdom of Allaah Azza wa Jall (Mighty and Majestic), nor His Decision nor His Decree, for indeed to Allaah belongs what He Gave and to Allaah belongs what He took.And know that the test is a wordly practice (meaning, it always occurs), and that Allaah Subhaanahu wa Ta’aalaa (May He, the Most High, be Glorified), when He loves a people He tests them, and whoever He is pleased with will receive pleasure, and whoever makes Him angry will receive anger.
 
Second: Remember the protected Salafee sisters from the Mothers of the Believers, May Allaah be pleased with them, and those following them of the righteous female slaves, and comtemplate and closely examine their condition and their conditions, and how they accompanied the Prophet Sallallahu ‘alayhe wa Sallam.And know that you, however much you are a devout worshipper or not, you are not better than them, conditionally, nor in worship, may Allaah be pleased with them all.
 
Third: Remember patience and contentness and its reward, and that from the affairs of the Muslim is patience during trial, and that will raise you in status. As-Sabr (Patience) and Good Thoughts about Allaah Azza wa Jall is from the characteristics of al-Muttaqeen (the Pious), and they are two characteristics that are fitting for you to be keen about them in a condition like the one you are in.
Fourth: Remember the end result of anxiety, and displeasure about the Decision of Allaah and His Decree, and beware of the Anger of Allaah and sin, and refusing the Decision, and uttering words of anguish and disbelief. And do not give shaytaan a place in your heart or else he would scatter his poisons and increase animosity, disord, and enmity.
Fifth: Remember your evil deeds, call yourself to account, and learn lessons from this test that will help you with Obediance, Worship, Holding on to the Sunnah, Qiyaamul-Layl (the Superogatory Night prayers), Leaving bid’ah (innovations), and a lot of Tawbah (Repentance), Istighfaar (Seeking forgiveness), ‘Inaabah (turning repentantly) and Tawakkal (Reliance upon Allaah).
 
Sixth: Remember that jealousy is a natural characteristic with the woman, but beware of transgressing the Islaamic Limit, and of undergoing malice and trials which divide the Muslim Homes and the Noble Family, and destroy the children.
 
Seventh: Remember your house, your sons, your daughters, your family, and your place, and beware of seeking divorce and hasty disconnection. So after this sacrifice, and this care and fatigue in building this family, the destruction due to an affliction that affected you?
Eighth: Remember the time and its blessings, and busy yourself with reading and memorizing al-Quraan, and preserving the Sunnah and the Books of Sharee’ah (Islaamic Law), and joining Salafee Sharee’ah knowledge courses, and presenting advice to the members of your house and your sisters, and take care of organizing and cleaning your house, and in protecting your children and raising them righteously Salafee.
Source: http://www.baiyt-essalafyat.com/vb/showthread.php?t=2613

 

 

Posted February 10, 2011 by thesunnahway in Polygamy