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Advice to Men   Leave a comment

        Advice to Men

                                   Part 1

Transribed by

Zahra Abdullah

Treatment of women in view of the Salaf, the treatment and akhalaq one should have, how a Muslim should behave towards other people I.e co-workers, neighbours and the etiquettes that should be demonstrated from him to other people is something that is not exclusive outside the home. Sometimes a person would treat other people who are foreign to them or unknown to them better and he would treat strangers better than he would treat those close to him to the point that some of them used to say about such a person that he who does that is lika an ostrich when he is with the enemy but he is like a lion with us (meaning his close ones).

The most horrible two character trace you can have is Al-Kibir arrogance and al-juhun cowardly conduct. What will compel such people to behave in such a way with those that are not close to them it isn’t fear of Allah but rather it is cowardice, that they behave that way because at the same time those they should show kindness to them and best treatment they show arrogance to them. And so the Akhlaq that should be demonstrated and the Adab that should be utilised and the etiquette that should be shown to the closest person who is his wife it should be on a level of Islamic Akhalaq and Islamic Adab that is very very high.

He should treat his wife in a way that makes her realise she is the most beloved person to him after the messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) that she is the most beloved person to you amongst the people you have come across.

As Sheikh Abdurahman As-Sadi Aziz said in his book Ar Riyadu Naadira that the person with husnul khuluk yuhubu adhu that the person who has good character than he is loved by his enemies and the person with suul khuluk with bad character even his children run away from him, his wife she runs away from him those who are close to him are afraid of him and don t trust him. And so today we want to mention some guidelines of how a Muslim should deal with others and his wife. Allah swt said “And deal with them in a way that is maroof (good)”

And he swt said when one takes back his wife after divorce he should deal with her in a good manner. The scholars of tafseer say he maintains a good relationship with her so that if he takes her back he can treat her good. And should take her back with good intention and not with the intention to harm her I.e to get revenge on her, the fight that lead to the divorce wasn’t good enough so he takes her back to get even some more. Allah swt ordered that you take her back in a way that is good, so you can have a good relationship with her and deal with her in a way that is good, or you realise her in a way that is good. The Messenger of Allah (Saw) said as reported by Al Bukhari and Muslim may allah have mercy on them upon the authority of Abu Hurraira “I advice you that you deal with women well” Allah’s Messenger (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) also said: The believers who have the most perfect faith are the best in conduct and the best men among you are the ones who are best to their wives.”

Live with them on good terms.” Allah says: “Retain them on good terms or release them on good terms.”

A way that entails gentleness and kindness because the women they have been created from a rib and the most crooked part of the rib is the highest part. The prophet (saw) said I have been sent with concise speech” and to “perfect character”

The Ulma they say because the women have short-commings and they are deficient so the man he should be upon the highest level of goodness, he should be kamil as regards to akhalaq and he should be a person who is trying to impart that on those he is around and the most deserving of those he is around are those that are closest to him, so the prophet pbuh advices kindness to the women and he stated the reason and he closed that advice.

Hadith “when Allah wants good for a people of a household he would cause kindness and gentleness to enter into that household, and that kindness will take over the people of that household. The way a man speaks to his wife would be kind and it will have an affect. A friend is one who brings you in. If a person is confrontational than those they are confrontational towards may become confrontational. If a person is argumentative he had a wife who had haya modesty she was shy she didnt have that in her nature but the way he dealt with her over they years made her combating with him, she became argumentative with him, she became from those that want to win the screaming match, who can scream louder and we all know who can scream the loudest (laughs).

So the prophet pbuh adviced with kindness and gentleness this is something which applies to everything. “Kindness and gentleness is not in a thing except it purifies it” and its taken from a thing except it makes it ugly. Some Arabs used to say that “your statement be kind and let your face be friendly” will give more love to the people than the one who gives from his wealth.

There are general guidelines laid out by Islam regarding treatment of people and in particularly women, regarding how one behaves towards them and how one behaves with them, with statements that apply to each of these things one statement for one thing and one statement for another. The akhalaq that is coming from you is one thing and the akhalaq of how you respond to what is coming from them is another statement.

As regards to how one responds first and foremost to the way that he is being treated or to the actions that are being done by a person that he is addressing those actions with his actions.

The ulma they say that “The most concise and inconclusive and comprehensive thing that has come about that is the statement of Allah when he said: “Take the pardoning and order with what is good and turn away from the jahiliyah” As for this statement “take the pardoning, shaykh Abdurahman a Said says “As for when one thing that is disliked one an act that is disliked is ill treatment ill-treatment the act comes from ones companion or one a person is interacting with or anyone that is like them, whether that be his wife or his child, his friend, parents. He said that when that occurs when ill-treatment comes from a person and a person in reaction totally wipes out and totally disacknowledges everything of good that has come from that person” like the statement of a woman that she sees one thing from her husband, that she doesn’t like she says “By Allah I have never seen anything good from you” as the messenger of Allah said about the woman. One of the Ulma of Yemen sheikh Wasabee hafiduhullah said that “the messenger of Allah saw said this because this occurs more from women than the man but this doesn’t mean it does not occur from the men, that they see one thing they dislike from the spouse and they say: “I haven’t seen anything good from you”, disacknowledging everything because of one statement or one action which she did which he disliked because her tongue was sharp or because he didn’t like her response to what he said, or she didn’t rush to do what he wanted in a good way or his food wasn’t prepared quick enough.

The Salaf they used to say that “the worst thing a man can have that he can be described with is that he is a guest to his family all the time” that he expects his family to be like his servants, serving him hand and foot, he demands three meals a day as though his wife has nothing to do, as though the children haven’t run her crazy as though she isn’t tired of seeing to the children. He is a guest in his home, they have been married twenty years, he acts like a king, but she wishes she could be a queen, but his a king he gets the services, but the services are not reciprocated in the same way. As Aisha ra said when she was asked about what the messenger (saw) did during the day, she said that he used to be in the service of his family. The writer of the book [Mukhtasar Minhaj AlQasidin] said from the good aspects of marriage is that it is difficult for one person to do all the chores of the house from the cleaning of the dishes, washing the clothing and so when there is another in the equation who can help with the responsibility that lightens those difficulties and so the person that he disacknowledges has come from his family. The sheikh said this method of seeing one thing you dislike and dismissing all the goodness in someone “is from the most tremendous of stupidity” and this is from a lack of loyalty and from having a lack of objectivity. He said “whoever is like that they are the furthest from the people of good character” and he said Surah Araf 99. Did they then feel secure against the Plan of Allah. None feels secure from the Plan of Allah except the people who are the losers.

To be continued insha allaah….

Posted March 12, 2011 by thesunnahway in Transcriptions



Compiled from the works of: Shaykhul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah (d.728H) | Shaykhul-Islaam ‘Abdul-’Azeez Ibn Baaz (d.1420H) | Imaam Muhammad Naasirud-Deen al-Albaanee (d.1420H) | Imaam Muhammad Ibn Saalih al-’Uthaymeen | Imaam Muqbil Ibn Haadee al-Waadi’ee (1421H) | Imaam Ahmad Ibn Yahyaa an-Najmee | al-’Allaamah Saalih Ibn Fawzaan al-Fawzaan | al-’Allaamah ‘Abdul-Muhsin Ibn Hamad al-’Abbaad | al-’Allaamah Rabee’ Ibn Haadee al-Madkhalee

Before the reader is a compilation of statements from the major Scholars, past and present, regarding the evils of hizbiyyah – bigoted partisanship and blind attachment to personalities. There is no question that these evils have harmed the Muslim nations tremendously. Shaykh Rabee’ Ibn Haadee al-Madkhalee – hafidhahullaah – said, “Anyone who opposes the Salafee methodology is from the deviant sects. Hizbiyyah does not have conditions. Allaah called the previous nations: ahzaab (parties), and when the tribe of Quraysh, and those who were with them, rallied against the Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam), He (Allaah) called them ahzaab, though they weren’t an organization… So blind attachment to a specific ideology that opposes the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger (sallallaahu ’alayhi wa sallam) and unifies and separates because of it is hizbiyyah; this is hizbiyyah even if they are not organized.” We hope this short treatise will serve as a reminder that loving and hating, uniting and separating must be done solely for the sake of Allaah and in accordance with the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (sallallahu ’alayhi wa sallam) according to the understanding the pious predecessors of this Ummah., and at the head of it, the companions of the messenger of Allah.

THE MEANING OF HIZBIYYAH. The word Hizb is defined in Lisan al-arab as: a group of people: the plural ahzab: and ahzab were the armies of the disbelievers which fought against the prophet (Saw) and they were: Quraysh, Ghatfan, and Banu Qurayzah. Allah says, “And he who believed said: O my people indeed I fear you a fate like that day of the ahzab (confederates). {Surah Ghafir 40:30.} The ahzab here are the people of Nuh, Ad, Thamud, and those who were destroyed after them, and the hizb of a person are his companions and followers who are upon his thought, and every people who are similar in words and deeds, then they are ahzab even if they do not meet one another as Ad, Thamud, and firawn were (Called) ahzab, and (Allahs statement), “Every hizb (party) rejoicing in what is with them” (surah al rum 30:32) It is every group whose desires are the same (see Lisan-Al arab (cairo dar al hadith 2003 vol 2 pp 42) Shykh Rabi Ibn Hadi al Madkhali hafizahullah-was asked, “what is the meaning of hizbiyyah, and what does it mean to say so and so is a hizbi, and who are the hizbis and what is their methodology?” He answered “anyone who opposes the salafi methodology is from the deviant sects, hizbiyyah does not have conditions. Allah called the previous nations: ahzab (parties), and when the tribe of Quraysh, and those who were with them, rallied against the messenger (Saw), He (Allah) called them ahzab, though they wont an organisation, so it is not a condition of hizbiyyah that it be organizes, but if this hizb is organised, it becomes all the more worse. so blind attachement to a specific ideology that opposes the book of Allah and the sunnah of his Messenger (Saw) and unifies and separates because of its hizbiyyah: this hizbiyyah even if they are not organized, Embracing a deviant methodology and gathering people together upon it is hizbiyyah, whether organized or not, as long as the ideology is in opposition to the book and sunnah, then this is a hizb. The disbelievers who fought the prophet (Saw) did not have the kind of organization that is present today and still Allah named them ahzab. Why? It was because they joined together upon faleshood to refute the truth. “The people of Nuh and the ahzab after them denied (their messengers) before these” (surah Ghafir 40:5) So he called them ahzab. Qurash, Ghatfan, Qurayzah, and other tribes joined together but were not an organization. they joined thogether and Allah called them ahzab, and there is a surah entitled alahzab. So it is not a condition of a hizb that it be organized. When someone holds a false ideology and argues in defense of it and unities based upon it, this is partisanship, and if he organizes and gathers wealth on top of this, he goes further intohizbiyyah and becomes from the deviant sects. Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah said: “As for the head of hizb, hen is the head of a group, which forms into a group. So if they are united upon what Allah and his messenger saw commanded, without any addition or subtraction, then they are the believers what is for them is for them and what is against them is against them. However, if they add to that or take away from it, like having a blind attachement to anyone who enters their group in truth or falsehood and turning away from those who do not enter into their party, whether upon truth or falsehood, then this is the separation that Allah and his messenger (SAW) disparaged. Indeed, Allah and His messenger have commanded with the congregation and unity and have prohibited dividing and righteousness and forbade working together upon sin and transgression”

Posted March 9, 2011 by thesunnahway in Transcriptions, Uncategorized