(Part No. 18; Page No. 64) Eighth question of Fatwa no. 18452 Question 8:

 how can I be sure that the person proposing to me is committed to applying Allah’s Shari`ah (law) in his personal behavior and conduct with others bearing in mind that nowadays there are many people pretending to be so?

Answer: It is Wajib (obligatory) on the Waliy (a legally accountable person acting for a woman seeking marriage) to make inquiries about whomever makes such a proposal. If the Waliy is satisfied with the Din (religion) and characteristics of the concerned person, he is to accept his marriage proposal; otherwise, he should not accept it. There are many easy ways of knowing the qualities of the person proposing such as asking his relatives and colleagues about him and examining his personality. Haste should be avoided regarding such a matter. May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad, his family, and Companions!

Permanent Committee for Scholarly Research and Ifta’ Chairman: `Abdul-`Aziz ibn `Abdullah ibn Baz Deputy Chairman: `Abdul-`Aziz Al Al-Shaykh Member:`Abdullah ibn Ghudayyan Member: Salih Al-Fawzan Member: Bakr Abu Zayd

Benefit: Given the Choice – Marry a Sister Upon the Sunnah or a Sister Upon Misguidance?

In the Name of Allaah, Ar-Rahmaan, Ar-Raheem… ‘Imraan ibn Hitaan, as-Sunnee (meaning that he was a sunnee) thumma (then he became a) al-Khaarijee: He adopted the madh-hab of the khawaarij during the later stages of his life. The reason for that was his cousin (female) was of the madh-hab of the khawaarij, so he wanted to make her change, however she ended up making him change to her madh-hab!1 Ibn Katheer further stated: “‘Imraan ibn Hitaan Al-Khaarijee: At first he was from Ahlus-Sunnah wal-Jamaa’ah. However he married a very beautiful woman from the Khawaarij and he loved her immensely, whereas he was unattractive. Thus he wanted to change her to the Sunnah but she refused, hence he deviated along with her to her madh-hab. He was a prolific poet. He is the one who praised the killer of ‘Alee (‘Abdur-Rahman ibn Muljim) by stating the following: “A strike from an ever-repentant one; he did not do it except to attain the pleasure of the One who possesses the ‘Arsh. Indeed I will always remember this act for I consider him one to be of the most faithful servants in the sight of Allaah.”2 Imaam adh-Dhahabee’s wife told him, “I and you will be in Jannah together because you were blessed (i.e. to have a very pretty wife) and you showed gratitude, and I was tested and I was patient.”3 As Abu ‘Aaliyyah said, “Two favors Allaah bestowed upon me and I don’t know which is greater than the other: the first one is that He made me a Muslim, and second is that He did not make me a Harooree (i.e. a Khaarijee).”

4 —————————- 1 At-Tah-dheeb (8/167-168) 2 Al-Bidayah wan-Nihayah (9/65) 3 Siyar ‘alaamu-Nubala (4/213) 4 It is interesting to note that he is one of the narrators of hadeeth whose hadeeth are in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree source: Troid.org

سم الله الرحمان الرحيم السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركــــاته Misyaar marriage is where a man does a shar’i marriage contract with a woman, meeting the conditions of marriage, but the woman gives up some of her rights such as accommodation, maintenance or the husbandýs staying overnight with her.

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about Misyaar marriage; this kind of marriage is where the man marries a second, third or fourth wife, and the wife is in a situation that compels her to stay with her parents or one of them in her own house, and the husband goes to her at various times depending on the circumstances of both. What is the Islamic ruling on this type of marriage?

 He replied: There is nothing wrong with that if the marriage contract fulfils all the conditions set out by sharee’ah, which is the presence of the wali and the consent of both partners, and the presence of two witnesses of good character to the drawing up of the contract, and both partners being free of any impediments, because of the general meaning of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The conditions that are most deserving of being fulfilled are those by means of which intimacy becomes permissible for you” and “The Muslims are bound by their conditions.” If the partners agree that the woman will stay with her family or that her share of the husbandýs time will be during the day and not during the night, or on certain days or certain nights, there is nothing wrong with that, so long as the marriage is announced and not hidden.

Fataawa ‘Ulama’ al-Balad al-Haraam (p. 450, 451) and Jareedah al-Jazeerah issue no. 8768, Monday 18 Jumaada al-Oola 1417 AH. Shaykh Abd al-Azeez Aal al-Shaykh (may Allaah preserve him) was asked:

There is a lot of talk about misyaar marriage being haraam or halaal. We would like a definitive statement about this matter from you, with a description of its conditions and obligations, if it is permissible.

 He replied: The conditions of marriage are that the two partners should be identified and give their consent, and there should be a wali (guardian) and two witnesses. If the conditions are met and the marriage is announced, and they do not agree to conceal it, either the husband, the wife or their guardians, and he offered a waleemah or wedding feast, then this marriage is valid, and you can call it whatever you want after that. End quote.

 Jareedah al-Jazeerah, Friday 15 Rabee’ al-Thaani 1422 AH, issue no. 10508. Shaykh al-Albaani was asked about Misyaar marriage and he disallowed it for two reasons: (i) That the purpose of marriage is repose as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect” [al-Room 30:21]. But this is not achieved in this kind of marriage. (ii) It may be decreed that the husband has children with this woman, but because he is far away from her and rarely comes to her, that will be negatively reflected in his children’s upbringing and attitude.

 

See: Ahkaam al-Ta’addud fi Daw’ al-Kitaab wa’l-Sunnah (p. 28, 29).

A Wife Can Be A Source Of Reward!

Assalaamu ‘Alaikum In the name of Allah, the All-Merciful, the Most Merciful

 

The Prophet (sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam) – said: .”Actions are but by intentions, and everyone will have what he intended. (Al-Bukhâri, Muslim and others) A Wife Can Be A Source Of Reward! Ibn Mas’ood (ra) related that the Prophet (saw) said; “When a man spends on his family seeking the reward for that from Allaah, then it is charity on his behalf.” [Saheeh Bukhaari] Sa’d Ibn Abee Waqaas (ra) related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “Indeed, whenever you spend seeking Allaah’s Countenance for doing so, you will be rewarded for it – even for what (i.e., the food) you put in the mouth of your wife.” [Saheeh Bukhaari] Abu Dharr related that Allaah’s Messenger said; “In the private part of each of you there is charity.“ The companions asked; “O Messenger Of Allaah, does one of us fulfil his (sexual) desire (i.e., have sexual relations with his wife) and still get rewarded?!“ He said; “Yes, do you not see that if one were to use it for haraam (i.e., if one was to have sexual relations with a woman other than his wife) – there would be a sin upon him? And similar is the case of the one who uses it for halaal (purposes)! He has his reward!” [Saheeh Muslim]

It is reported that the wife of Imâm Sa’îd b. Al-Musayyib – Allâh have mercy on him – said: We only ever used to speak to our husbands like you address your commanders and leaders: [we would supplicate for them when talking to them] “May Allâh keep you right!”, “May Allâh keep you well!” Abû Nu’aym, Hilyatu Al-Awliyâ` 5:198. After the death of his wife Umm Sâlih, Imâm Ahmad – Allâh have mercy on them, used to praise her. He once said: In the thirty years she was with me, we never had a single word of disagreement. Al-Khatîb Al-Baghdâdî, Târîkh Baghdâd 16:626.

EVERY child is born on Fitrah (man’s innate disposition to Monotheism), his parents make him Jewish, Christian or a fire worshiper.” (Al-Bukhari and Muslim ) Allah Almighty has entrusted parents with their children. Parents bear the responsibility to raise up their children in the Islamic way. If they do that they will be blessed in this life and in the Hereafter, and if they don’t, they will get bad result during their life and in the Hereafter.

 

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said : “All of you are guardians and all of you are responsible for things under your guardianship; the ruler is a guardian (managing his state‚s affairs) and he is responsible for things under his care, the man is a guardian over his family and responsible for them, the woman is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible for it. All of you are guardians and responsible for things under your control.” (Al-Bukhari & Muslim)

 

The Prophet (peace be upon him), did not excuse anyone from responsibility that Allah has put on every individual to build the Islamic society: the ruler is responsible: the man and woman are responsible…. all within their capabilities, domains, and authorities… and the loss of Islam from our Muslim Ummah these days is nothing but a result of the neglect of responsibility.

 

Men and women, fathers and mothers share the responsibility to raise up, educate, and build the new generation in the correct method and the right way.

 

Man has in him the good and bad tendencies, so parents must encourage and grow the good tendencies in the child so he can become a useful person that helps himself and his people. Referring to this, Allah Almighty says: “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones . . .”  (At-Tahrim, 66:6)

 

The protection of yourself and your family from Hell-Fire won’t be with anything but good education, the observance of good morals, and the guidance to nobility.

 

Islam does not distinguish between male and female with regard to the education requirements. The Prophet (peace be upon him) is reported to have said: “Whoever has a daughter, tutors her on good morals, educates her well and feeds her properly; she will be a protection for him from Hell-Fire.”

 

What do we mean by good education? The good education means the physical, mental and moral preparation of the child so he can become a good individual in the good society.

 

 

Methods for moral upbringing

 

1- Showing the values of good deeds and their effects on the individuals and society; also showing the effects of bad deeds, all within the child’s capability of understanding.

 

2- Parents should be a good example in their behavior because children like to imitate their parents in their sayings and their deeds.

 

3- Teaching the child the religious principles and tutoring him in matters of worship, taking into account the child’s capability of understanding. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Order your children to pray at the age of seven.”

 

4- Treating children nicely and kindly. The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us that practically. When he was leading the prayer, his grandson Al-Hasan, son of his daughter Fatimah, may Allah be pleased with them, rode on his back while he was bowing. The Prophet (peace be upon him), lengthened his bow. When he finished his prayer, some attending Companions said, “You lengthened your bow?” Then the Prophet (peace be upon him), answered, “My grandson rode on my back and I hate putting him down quickly.”

 

5- One of the important things that parents must teach their children is to choose the good company and to avoid the bad one, because children are always influenced by the company they keep. The bad behavior can be easily transmitted through bad company. So the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, warned us by saying, “Man is inclined to get influenced by his friend’s manners, so one must be careful in choosing friends.” (Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi)

 

6- Encouraging the child’s sense of belonging to the Muslim Ummah, by teaching him about the brotherhood among Muslims, teaching him to care for Muslims in any land, and that he is part of the Muslim body, to feel joy when Muslims are joyous, to feel sad over Muslims’ sadness, and to do best to achieve the Muslim Ummah’s goals.

 

All of this can be done practically through:

 

A- Taking children to Mosques and introducing them to their brothers in Islam regardless of race, language, or origin.

 

B- Teaching the children the life history of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, and his Companions and the history of Islam, bearing in mind the child’s capability of understanding.

 

C- Encouraging children to sympathize with Muslim problems and to contribute to the solutions such as the poverty problem and to donate some money to the hungry Muslim children.

 

D- Taking part in the celebrations and festivals with Muslims, and joining in picnics and developing ties with their Muslim brothers of the same age.

 

7- Teaching children the love of Allah, His Prophet (peace be upon him), Muslims, and all people. This love will lead to special behavior towards all those loved people.

 

These are general guidelines to raise our children Islamically, so every Muslim must take care of his children and know the correct path that must be followed. This will help us do the job we are entrusted to do as Allah prescribed, as well as the responsibility the Prophet (peace be upon him), has clarified, with aim of protecting the future generations of Muslims.

Qualities of a loving husband

Saying of Salaf – Sufyan ibn ‘Uyaynah

Sufyân ibn ‘Uyaynah (rahimahullâh) said, “The most nimble of creatures still have need of a voice. The cleverest women still need to have a husband, and the cleverest man still needs to consult wise men.”

Looking for a potential husband – maybe you’re looking to improve the one to whom you’re married? Perhaps you’re a husband looking to improve yourself? Regardless of your reason, wouldn’t the following qualities be a good place to start?

1) Practicing the deen – This is the most important part for a healthy happy marriage in this life and hereafter. A pious husband who lives according to Quran & Sunnah.

A Pious Poor Pious Man is a Better Marriage Suitor than a Rich Man Who is Not Pious Hadith – Bukhari 7.28, Narrated Sahl

A man passed by Allah’s Apostle and Allah’s Apostle asked (his companions) “What do you say about this (man)?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand, he ought to be given her in marriage; and if he intercedes (for someone) his intercessor should be accepted; and if he speaks, he should be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle kept silent, and then a man from among the poor Muslims passed by, an Allah’s Apostle asked (them) “What do you say about this man?” They replied, “If he asks for a lady’s hand in marriage he does not deserve to be married, and he intercedes (for someone), his intercession should not be accepted; And if he speaks, he should not be listened to.” Allah’s Apostle (saaws) said, “This poor man is better than so many of the first as filling the earth.” Hadith – Al-Tirmidhi #3090, Narrated Abu Hurairah, r.a.

Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, ‘When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.’ [Tirmidhi, Nasa’i and Ibn Majah transmitted it.]

2) Good Listener – This might be the biggest challenge for husbands. You see, by nature, men are usually productive oriented and women are usually more relational. Men often make the mistake of trying to solve their wife’s “problems”. She doesn’t want you to solve anything – she wants you to listen (really listen) and show her that you truly are interested in what she says. She wants you to feel what she feels and live what she lives. When you learn to truly listen to your wife and keep your mouth shut – your marriage will blossom

3) Faithfulness / Loyalty – Show her you’re in it for the long haul (notice I said show her). How can you show someone you’re faithful and loyal? Do you follow through with your commitments – however small they might be? Are you honest with your wife? Do you keep her up to date on your activities? Do you include her in your world? She’s interested – show her it’s not just about you – it’s about her as well and you’ll reap the benefits of her security.

4) Sensitivity – You can forget what you learned in high school – most women aren’t looking for a husband who never cries. A sensitive husband perceives the needs of his wife and looks to meet them. Sensitivity toward your wife will open doors of communication and intimacy you never thought possible. Try it, get that chip off your shoulder and show her some sensitivity

4) Handy – Guys, are you handy – what is handy? Handy is when you take action to solve a problem, handy is when you change a light bulb without complaint, handy is when you take out the garbage (your idea, not hers). Wives like for their husbands to be handy – it’s not hard, be part of the solution – not the problem.

6) Provision Oriented – Please don’t get excited – this isn’t about the husband making all the money. It’s an attitude to help your wife fill in gaps. She can’t do everything – so help her! Is she busy with the kids – give up 10 minutes of the ballgame and clean dishes, fold laundry, or whatever. You don’t even need to be all that big of a help – you just need to show you’re trying.

7) Adaptability – Guys, marriage is an ever changing world and you’ve got to adapt favorably to those changes or you’ll find yourself wondering what you’re doing and how you got there. If you look closely at your wife – filtering out years of environmentally induced behavioral changes – you’ll see that glowing woman you fell in love with years ago. Let me explain further – Love and feelings toward a wife should’t change. However, relationship do change as a necessity to those changes around. Time constraints, needs of children, financial obligations, etc. each require a level of effort that takes time away from relationship. You’re success as a husband will largely be dependent on your attitude toward the adaptations required by life. Lastly, don’t let the tail wag the dog – don’t let your feelings toward life’s changes affect feelings toward your wife – leave this to your heart. Tail wag the dog – don’t let your feelings toward life’s changes affect feelings toward your wife – leave this to your heart.

8.) Humility – Nobody likes an arrogant man – there’s no place for it in marriage. Show humility – when you’re wrong – admits it and do so with humility. She’ll probably be shocked and her reaction might be unpredictable – but inside she’ll glow with admiration.

Question:

I heard that it is obligatory for the young woman not to marry anyone unless he has an Islamic appearance. I am a strict woman praise be to Allah but all of those whom have been presented to me are not strict in their practice, should I agree (to marry such a person) or not?

Answer:

There is no problem in agreeing if he is Muslim. If he has some issues in doing some acts of disobedience then do not be hindered by that. Thoroughly searching for someone perfect these days is very difficult. If it is possible to find one who is known for performing the prayers and having good manners even if he has some deficiencies then there is no problem for you to marry him and that you protect your modesty then all praise is for Allah. But if it is possible to find a man known for being upright and not falling into any of the acts of disobedience then this is better and of more good.

From the examples of some of the acts of disobedience is smoking, wearing the clothes below the ankles, shaving the beard or the like then this is a deficiency and an act of disobedience. However if it is possible to find another and he is what you are looking for in a husband then it is better. But if it is not possible to find one except for this kind of person from amongst the people then there is no harm in marrying such a person for the sake of modesty, protecting one’s religion, and preserving one’s honor. Perhaps Allah will guide him because of you.

The one presenting the question asks:

The Islamic appearance how is this Shaykh?

The Islamic appearance is based on the way of Muhammad (peace & blessings be upon him) according to the appearance of the divine legislation in his clothes, in his walking in all of his affairs he is known not to wear the clothing below the ankles, known for not shaving his beard or trimming it, known for not being arrogant. One who makes his prayers with the congregation and other such issues from the outward appearances of Islaam.

By ash-Shaykh Abdul-Azeez bin Baaz (rahimahullah)

Translated by Aboo Imraan al-Mekseekee – may Allah guide him

Source: http://www.ibnbaz.org.sa/mat/12340

Question: Is it permissible to continue in a marriage relationship where one spouse dislikes the other, but he/she remains in the marriage due to the children present between them?

Answer: Marital relationships have rulings, just as other relationships have rulings, for example, the relationship between a servant and his Lord, a servant and himself, and a servant and other human beings. As for a marital relationship, each spouse has his/her rights, some rights are upon him/her, and other rights are due to him/her.  What is incumbent is that each spouse fulfills the rights that are upon them and seek what is due to them.  One should not refuse to perform his/her obligations, nor should one seek what does not rightfully belong to them.  This (marriage) is a relationship governed by Islamic rules and regulations. 

With regards to a spouse disliking the other, the reason for this dislike should be known and made aware of.  At times this reason is poor dealings between husband and wife.  A man may possibly dislike the treatment received by his wife, or the opposite.  It may also take place that a husband dislikes his wife due to her deficiency in Religion, for example she does not pray or fast, or (even worse) she commits adultery and allows men to enter her home at the absence of her husband.  In this case, it is legislated to divorce her based on her un-Islamic actions, in fact, it is not permissible to stay with her.

The Messenger –salAllahu alayhi wa salem- clearly stated the criteria for seeking a wife and a husband. He said:  “If someone approaches you (guardian of female) with good character and religion, then marry (to your females).  If you do not, there will be much evil and corruption spread.”

He –salAllahu alayhi wa salem- also said: “A female is married for 4 reasons, her wealth, her beauty, her status and her religion.  Look for the pious female, and may you hands be filled with dust (may you be successful).”

The Messenger –salAllahu alayhi wa salem- in these two narrations has informed of what and individual should look for in choosing a spouse. He made religion a criteria in both hadiths.  Therefore, if the dislike present between husband and wife is based on religious reasons, it’s possible that the best and only solution is divorce.

On the other hand, if the aversion is related to poor dealings between to spouses concerning (sexual) relations or problems related to service within the home, then these problems can be solved.  Some females are never satisfied, they always seek more and more, and some men have the same character, nothing satisfies them, but these sort of problems can be cured.

So in summery, (most) problems related to individual rights can be rectified.  Some men seek to impose their masculinity upon their wives.  I have heard that some men only approach their wives (intercourse) after beating them severely!

Another type of aversion may be caused by an outer force. This is (usually) categorized into three types:

1. That which is caused by magic.
2. That which is caused by demon (jinn) possession.  At times, female jinns possess (human) men and cause them to dislike their wives.  Male jinns also possess (human) females and cause them to dislike their husbands.
3. Aversion caused by evil eye (al Ain).  The Messenger –salAllahu alayhi wa salem- said: “Indeed al Ain is true, and if anything was to proceed decree, it would be al Ain”

I was told of a man marrying a particular female and not having the ability to have relations with her for 12 years.  They lived a normal marital life except for this issue (sexual relations).  This trial was finally lifted when the person that placed the evil eye on the husband finally died, and after that, this couple lived a normal marital life.

So in summary, the outer elements that possibly create hatred between a husband and his wife are 3:

1. Magic
2. Jinn (demon possession)
3. Evil eye (al Ain)

 

The last type of aversion is one created for some unknown reason.  There is nothing present of the above mentioned factors except that the spouses simply dislike on another. 

The point that I wish to make is that, in general, the reason for such dislike, hatred of aversion should be known (in order for a rectification to occur).  And by saying so, if rectification is possible, then this is what is befitting, but if not, then there is no problem in seeking a divorce.

Allah stated in the Quran:

{If discord is feared between them (husband and wife), then seek a representative from his side, and one from her side.  If they (husband and wife) desire rectification, Allah will give them success} surah al Nisaa:35

He (Allah) also stated:

{If a female fears discord and disagreement from her spouse, there is no problem in them seeking reconciliation} surah al Nisaa:128

Gathering with Sheikh Abdullah bin Abdul Rahman al Ghudiyan (October 14, 2007)

WOULD YOU MARRY YOURSELF OR SOMEONE LIKE YOU?

Assalamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullahee wa Barakatu

Islam is a simple way of life, and we as Muslims are following Islam (practising people) than why are we so complicated? why do we like to complicate matters?  Why do you think there are so many good single brothers and sisters?  These are questions on many Muslims minds whether they like to admit it or not. There are many answers. Aside from the obvious.

While it is very vital that one should carefully consider the characteristics or qualities to be sought in a marriage partner, some go to great lengths to make long “shopping type lists”, consisting of all the qualities they expect or desire in a partner, such as their background, level of education, a certain appearance/look, speaker of the Arabic language, high level of Islamic knowledge, someone who has gained knowledge abroad in a “Islamic country” and perhaps a great  job.

It also seems that many people desire someone who is the total opposite of what they are, for example when they are not very religious, average looking, not educated, do not speak Arabic, do not have an outstanding  job, their own home or a good income,…Yet they seek someone with all those qualities! I have met a few people who fall into this category as am sure you have.

What is strikingly interesting is that many people do not stop to identify their own qualities, or ask themselves whether someone with a similar high expectation would wish to marry them. This may sound crazy… but have you ever stopped to ask yourself, if you would marry yourself? as you are now and not as you desire to be! Are people in denial?.

There are also people that are in a desperate rush to get married; while at the same time they possess characteristics of selfishness, stubbornness, inflexibility, insensitivity, and ingratitude and they are poor communicators. On top of all of that, they are in denial and won’t face up to the fact that they have “issuses” of their own to solve before getting married. Marriage is such a serious affair that if anyone was to marry someone possessing any of the above he/she would be in major trouble!

I am not implying that if you lack good qualities that you should not marry. Allah exhalted has said in the Quran that “he will never change the condition of a people until they first change what is inside of them”. There is therefore hope as offered in many ayas/verses of the Quran.. However this hope is only on the condition that we establish and recognise that we have a problem and then strive to do something about it. Someone who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their negative pattern of behaviour. After establishing your problems, the next step is to begin working on it diligently and consistently.

Couple this prescription that Allah gives us in the Quran with prayer and strong faith, InshaAllah, you can overcome any problem

I`m sure you have all heard of stories of selfish, abusive, drunks becoming good husbands or wife’s. Anything is possible with the will of Allah (swt) however a person who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their negative ways.

In short: take a hard, honest look at yourself and if you decide that you can not be a good husband or wife as you presently are then before you make a long list of the qualities you seek in a wife or husband, start by listing what you need to work on. Next step is to work on these issues you have so that inshallah one day Allah (Swt) May bless you to be a worthy person someone who can be proud to call you their wife or husband

Another vital point to consider and ponder over is that as Muslims we should take guidance from the Quran and Sunnah.

In Islam there is a strong emphasis on simplicity. Yet, Muslims are getting more and more complicated, leading complex lives with conflicting and complicated lifestyles and hence making the matter of seeking marriage a complicated one. Remember that societies of very rich, middle-class and the poverty-stricken — all have existed in every era. Allah (Swt) has distributed sustenance to people according to His infinite wisdom by giving some more than others. This distribution is a test for every individual.

While simplicity has been encouraged in all aspects, it has been particularly emphasised in Nikah. The prophet (saw) has advised us to select the most pious partner, and has said: “Verily that Nikah will have the greatest barakah wherein the least expenses were incurred”. Abandoning simplicity in Nikah is a sure way of depriving oneself of the barakah (blessings), which every marriage requires so desperately. The Sahaaba (R.A.) were discussing some worldly aspects. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) addressed them and said: “Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Will you not listen? Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan. Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan. Verily simplicity is a part of Imaan” (Abu Dawood).

In relation to the issue of simplicity is that some brothers and sisters do not seek marriage for fear of poverty, e.g he doesnt have work, we dont have some where to live. I have however seen many Muslims (with imaan) who have married with hardly anything to their name and mashallah Allah swt has blessed them with sooo much. The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Allah will assuredly come to the aid of three: a man seeking to marry so that he may preserve his chastity, a person seeking to pay off a debt, and a soldier gone out to battle in the cause of Allah.”[Tirmidthi].

The other issue is that of delaying marriages, talking for months on end. The prophet (saw) has further advised that if a brother and sister develop feelings for each other, than there is no solution to the matter except marriage. He (saw) has said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)

Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah: The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”

However if that marriage comes as a result of an illicit love relationship, it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allaah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.

Further more, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.

So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.

The husband may condemn his wife for having agreed to have a relationship with him before marriage, which will be upsetting for her, and this will cause their relationship to deteriorate.

Lets not follow the ways of the disbelievers, and misguided and follow the way of Islam that has so beautifully been laid out for us with many examples from the prophets, companions and tabieens.

“Indeed the people of Truth & sunnah do not follow anyone (unconditionally) except the prophet (saw) the one who did not speak from his desires-it is only revelation revealed to him that he spoke of” Ibn Taymiyyah.

Whatever bad experience you have had in the past take a lesson from it but do not dwell on it, for that is not going to bring you any benefit. Have tawakul trust in Allah (Swt) and dont let shaytan corrupt your mind with doubts. “Indeed there is no authority from shaytan, over those who believe and rely upon their lord (have tawakul)” “And relay upon Allah (have tawakkul:if you are believers. Al-Quran 5:23 AL-Quran 16:99

Don’t place a time frame on how long to get to know a person, there are some people who have not known each other long but have been married for a long time, and those who have known each other very long but have not stayed married for long.

Find out as much as you can about the person, get references, do istikhara (without any preconceived ideas) and than place your trust in Allah (swt) whatever the outcome.

And if it does not lead to marriage, don’t be disheartened. Allah (swt) has said in the Quran “It may be that you hate something when it is good for you and it may be that you love something when it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know” (Surat al-Baqara, 216).

Remember also that none of us are perfect and whatever we lack in one aspect of our character we make up for in another inshallah. “A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other or anothe­ trait of hers.” [Muslim]. The hypocrite looks for faults; the believer looks for excuses.

And Allah (swt) knows best.